Veiled Affection

I am not a morning person. I don't enjoy to start my day early in the morning. I can be cranky whenever I have to do any sort of laboring work during the early hours of the day.

That is why, when I woke up that morning by the sound of the doorbell, I stumbled out of bed and with discontent greeted Gregory.

''Have I woken you?''

I stood looking at him in my bathrobe, a sullen look on my face.

''What are you doing here?'' I asked curtly.

Of course, my morning mood has been long known to him, and he only seemed to be amused by my bad-temper.

He said he was sorry for arriving on my doorstep unannounced, but that he invited himself over to give me a present. Upon my answer in which I asked whether it could wait, he said it couldn't, because he had a busy work schedule that day. I considered asking him to come back some other time, but by then I had already woken up some more, so he might as well come in. I quickly cleaned and dressed myself and retrieved back downstairs.

I should have known that, of course, his present must have had anything to do with the baby. It came as a shock nonetheless the moment I unwrapped the set of baby clothes. Until that moment, that whole ten minutes of being awake, I didn't think once about being pregnant. Despite my jolt of angst, I was taught as a child to always act gracious when receiving gifts, and I didn't differ from my acquired habit this time either.

I smiled, and I wasn't sure whether you could see the insincerity or not.

''Oh,'' I stiffly said. ''How nice,''

''Aren't they just adorable?'' He blithely said. ''I was still in doubt about which color to buy, but when I saw this set I couldn't resist. I know the baby will have to grow a bit for the clothes to fit, but give it some time. The saleswoman said it would be just a matter of weeks when he is born.''

''He?''

Gregory looked away coyly.

''I have been making my guesses...'' He said. ''Unless of course - I still haven't ruled out the idea of twins!''

I was at a loss for words. Who was he to come to my house uninvited? Who was he to jolt me awake, to then end up gifting me unwanted gifts and acting like the state of my pregnancy is one big guessing game? It might have been my morning mood that managed to exaggerate all the negatives.

But amidst my despise, there was also the other side. A side of compassion and affection because, isn't what he now portrays to be, all I ever wanted from him? For him to be there for me? To be involved and lively?

It occurred to me then - the complete conflict I was in - that I should be honest with him. My doubts, my unknowingness... I couldn't not tell him. I couldn't hide my uncertainty and I also couldn't pretend to feel what I did not feel.

And so I told him, plain and simple.

''I have doubts, Gregory.''

It started off with a few questions, continued on being a discussion regarding the matter, and ended with a quarrel.

Like a well-crafted concerto that began with its subtle strings, and ended with the orchestra all together. It continued on until the false note came: his secret. And with that the concerto had ended, and made way for an entirely new one to begin.

His false note came only down to one thing: he didn't use a condom.

What followed was his explanation. But his reasoning of wanting to start over, and considering it best to just go all in and make me pregnant in the hopes of us getting back together again, only made me more disgusted of him. The absolute nerve and impudence.