In My Dreams II

When Can I Leave?

You know how many rules you're breaking right now? She asked.

I really... just wanted to be in a room where no one was dying. Everyone's dying, he gasped.

Tears glistened lightly in his eyes, and Meredith saw his fear, and his humanity. Yeah, Koracick was the ass no one liked, but he was human too. Ass or not, he didn't deserve to be alone.

Meredith slipped her arm out of the warm blanket and reached weakly for him.

He leaned forward too, meeting her halfway and taking her hand in both of his.

I won't tell if you don't, she said, covering his hand with her free one.

xxx

They were laughing, having a conversation. The most human thing. Of course since it was Koracick, it was about sex, but- still...

It was good to have company. To see someone not covered in a gown and a face shield. To talk about something other than lung function and oxygen levels. Meredith sighed. She was feeling human again, and not a zombie.

Until a code team with a crash cart clattered by.

Watching, she resisted the urge to jump into the action. It would be a futile effort.

Koracick noticed too, and turned back to her. You don't realize how addicted you are to saving lives, until you can't.

I realized it.

Koracick changed the subject after a moment, joking about their ranking in the hospital, about the Catherine Fox Award, and even Catherine herself. And then her eye caught sight of a gurney rumbling by. The code team quietly pushed the covered body down the hall.

Damn it.

xxx

You're a workaholic.

Ah, work is all I have. That and a to-do list of many, many women. Koracick bragged.

That's not all you have.

In the brief time she'd known him, she'd seen a workaholic ass, yes. But that was just a facade, armor covering his true vulnerable self. Once you saw past his inflated ego, he was a good man who'd just been hurt too many times.

You miss the kids? He asked, proving her point.

So much it hurts, Meredith said. I even miss it when they say, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom so many times I want to change my name.

I used to be so angry at God for taking David away from me, but now I think it's kind of a blessing. He doesn't have to feel this, or worry about me. I don't have to worry about him.

Meredith stared, raising a brow. She didn't know what she would do if she didn't have kids.

Yeah, that's B.S. I'd kill for a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad about now, he choked. Just trying to silver-line something.

The door opened.

Are you kidding me? An orderly asked.

Arrest me officer. Koracick lifted his arms up in mock surrender. No, no, I've been a terrible, terrible patient.

Quickly he was wheeled out of the room.

Good luck with your plague, he called out.

Good luck with yours.

xxx

Meredith dropped the magazine against her chest.

V-tach alarms blared from the room across the hall, and no one was coming. Probably because the code team had rushed past her room to another patient only five minutes ago.

Still, no one was coming.

Crap.

Well she couldn't just lie here while someone was dying. Meredith rolled over and pulled the help cord. Taking a breath, she sat up, adrenaline surging in her veins. Addicted to life saving? Yup, she was definitely a junkie, because she had no clue how it was she was standing and practically running into that room. She'd been bed-ridden for almost two weeks.

But it didn't matter.

Meredith leaned over the body on the bed, feeling for a pulse. None. Immediately she began compressions on the woman's chest.

Dr. Grey, get back in bed. The code team will be here any minute.

She doesn't have that kind of time! Meredith growled.

She continued compressions.

Get me an E.T tube. Take over compressions.

Meredith maneuvered to the head of the bed and removed the headboard to get access to the patient's airway. As the nurses pounded on her chest, she fought to keep her hand steady as she angled the tube in.

Dr. Grey!

Alright, I'm in. Bag her. Meredith straightened up.

Everything swirled. She felt her legs moving, her feet slapping against linoleum. But-

God, she couldn't breathe!

What the hell are you doing? Helm yelled.

Crap. She wasn't going to make it-

Helm, get me a wheelcha-

xxx

She breathed deep breaths of salty air. The blue-white sky greeted her once again, as water crashed over the rocks.

Damn. She thought she would make it.

Was this her new home now?

A/N: Thanks for reading! And you can follow me on twitter if you like, unnamedfanficwritr