?When I was young and dumb,
I never really did grow out of it,
it's not like I got to grow up anyway.
Will we ever get out of this place?
Are you watching me again?
Why am I still conscious?
The love between you and Tomoe began here, or did it...
I'm sorry. I couldn't say my last goodbyes. I'm a horrible person. Please.. Forgive me.
My eyes fluttered as the painfully bright ray of sunshine joyfully blinded me. I shielded my eyes from it, satisfied. as I was gonna turn to the other side to stuff my pathetic little face in my pathetic little tear-soaked pillow in my pathetic lonely room, I was stopped by an arrogant little fox. Well.. Not so little.
"Hold on, what do you think you are doing Y/n? I already gave you some extra time to sleep! Get up!! You can't just laze around like this. "
I groaned and didn't obey his orders. I was too stubborn to anyway.
"Fine then! Guess you're not gonna visit you precious sister today.. "
I jumped out of my futon and dashed to the bathroom.
"That's what I thought. "
..
"Righty! " I hesitantly looked at my disgusting figure in mirror. I was slowly fading away. I genuinely don't care anymore. I dont care that I'm slowly self destructing. My mental health is actually really bad but who cares.
"Wait, but what about house duties? " I asked Tomoe.
"I'm simply gonna do them later. " he said.
I can't help but feel.. Even more guilt. I'm just making his life worse, aren't I? He's sacrificing a ton of stuff for me.
As we were on our way, I could feel my cheeks sting. And not because of the cold air.. I my was because of genuine happiness. When have I ever smiled like that? Gosh I just noticed how I have intense mood swings.
I had a burst of nostalgia. At that extravagant moment I felt at ease. I reached out for something, anything out of instinct, that "something" seemed to be a hand of some sort without thinking. It was just like the old times with my sister! .. "Sissy" ? Then I realized.. My inner child has not gone anywhere. I'm still me. My eye sight was blurry as u was trying to prevent tears from falling. Luckily- I succeeded.
Tomoe looked at me, concerned, and..with..rage? It was hard to tell at this point. Was he flustered? He was clenching his teeth together. His face seemed to be really really red. Tho I didn't hear a word from his mouth.
"Ah no, don't worry! these tears in my eyes were just happy tears! "
"No, it's just that you are currently.. holding my hand. If you seek for some comfort you could've just said so.. " I squealed and let go. "I'm so sorry! " he looked at me and exhaled. He didn't seem to be mad. I think he understands that I've been really sad these days and that he needs to be patient with me.
"We- We're h-heree! " I looked at the big hospital. We went inside and I found the kind receptionist that I've known practically all my life.
"Hii! Yua's in the usual room, right? "
She took a deep breath and.. Seemed to look a bit down. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. "Im so sorry...
Yua passed away tonight. My condolences. " she looked down.
I felt my heart skip a beat. I grabbed on to the counter, gasping for air. "I know I should take you seriously, since you work in a hospital.. " I chuckled. "But since we're close, we joke around alot so tell me this is just a sick joke.. Because it isn't funny. " I held on to the last piece of hope.
"I'm sorry my dear..but she really is dead. "
I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces. My eyesight was blurring and I was hyperventilating.
I was in a state of shock so it was hard for me to muster up anything, yet I managed to softly whisper an excuse to leave. Tomoe held on to me but this time, it didn't matter anymore. Nothing did. I ran out of the damn hospital.
My knees fell weak as I collapsed onto the ground. I hit the cold pavement with all my might, as my knees started bleeding.
"Y/n! "
"NO! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! " I shouted while running. where was I going again? I don't know. the traffic was busy so it was a huge risk for me to get hit by a car. I would've been happy at that. wouldn't matter anyway. Tomoe caught up with me. He grabbed my wrist. I looked at him with my bloodshot eyes.
I turned to him, realizing that I now have nothing to lose.
"I have no purpose anymore. Why do you still chase after me? " I sobbed between words. Half of them coming out as incoherent.
"You have a purpose, Y/n." He now looked a bit mad. "Why are you acting like you are worthless? There's more to life. you are gonna be alright. I assure you. "
I balled my fist. "I'M TIRED,OKAY? I LOOK, and I look, and I look and I look and I LOOK for ANYTHING in life, something to make me have the SLIGHTEST will to live! But I just can't find anything. What is there that's "more to life"?! WHAT AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO DO! I'M JUST A CONFUSED TEENAGER WHO HAS MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS. And now that my only source in happiness is gone.. There's nothing more left! "
There was an uncomfortable silence between us.
"Y/n.." Tomoe softly looked at me, lifting my chin to see my ugly face.
He hugged me tightly as I cried. I hugged him back, wanting to retreat from the hug. But I just couldn't. My body didn't move an inch.
"I'm so sorry.. I'm such an idiot. but thank you.. for looking after this idiot. thank you.. For everything! " he looked confused. I let go and took one last look at him.
"DON'T follow me. " I smiled. my eyes had no more sparkle left. My sacred word binding working a little too well
"Y/N! " he cried out. I felt bad since it wasn't the first time he has been betrayed like this. but what can I say? I know the feeling of it.
I then ran and-
...
..this reminds me of when I was stilla hopeless romantic. Having low expectations and still.. being an optimist I thought that I actually had a chance in life! now that I think about it- I didn't think about that! how silly.. my cold and lifeless body was now laying there on the train tracks. it reminds me of when she was still here, alive and well. huh! I still remember how we played here together in this very place. well.. before she got hospitalized. I now got everything thought out and this is a goodbye.. right? or is this simply a.. see you later? who knows. maybe we'll meet again! in another life? that would be cool. . . . oh, is that a butterfly? ◌⑅⃝●♡⋆♡ ♡⋆♡●⑅⃝◌
I'll always be with you, no matter what. I'll live on, and someday I'll be with you again.
________________________
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TYSM GUYS UH THIS BOOK DIDN'T GET AS POPULAR AS MY OTHER ONE EVEN THOUGH THIS WAS BETTER. THIS CHAPTER WAS A BIT CRINGY AND UH.. YES THIS IS THE END OF THIS BOOK.. a second part MAY be coming out. If I have the energy for it! I planned to give this book a happy ending, actually but I wanted to end this book quickly so I could make another one. oops?
