Random chapters I can't get out of my head

Jason pov-

My head was down as I blankly and emotionlessly stared at the floor of the Batcave under Wayne manor, listening to Bruce screaming at me for the millionth time today alone. I'd lost count of how many times he'd found something to yell at me about over the past week alone, and I was pretty sure that the number was over the 3 digits by now.

Bruce was yelling at me this time because I hadn't gone and helped the batclan take down a little drug ring, and as a result, my older brother Dick had gotten grazed by a bullet and had a concussion, and my favorite little brother, Tim Drake, got a broken arm. I hadn't gone with my family tonight because I was caught up in my territory, Crime Alley, and just got back to the cave 10 minutes ago. 

The reason I was in my territory was because Joker had set fire to the orphanage that was full of kids that I protected, and all of them had died, all of them in my arms as I got them out of the burning building, and the rest after I had gotten everyone out on my own, and of course the news was there letting the scene be on live television, but none of it had done any good. All of my kids that I had promised to protect and help find good homes for, including the 2 kids that I had been planning on adopting myself, were dead, and I had failed every single one of them. 

Their last words all burned themselves into my mind, their last expressions, and their last breaths, and I was haunted by all of it. I had spent almost all night crying my heart out at the children that I had failed and lost, and had come back to the cave to tell my family everything and just have the chance to cry and get soothed in my father's arms, but I hadn't known that they were doing the drug bust, and Bruce was standing here yelling at me and blaming me for his sons getting hurt because I hadn't helped them with something that I hadn't known about.

I was so lost in thought that I hadn't realized that my dad had stopped yelling at me and as trying to get my attention, nor the fact that the entire thing was being watched by Alfred, Dick, Tim, and Damian, and my other little siblings, Duke, Cass, Steph, and Babs, my older sister. Then again, Bruce hadn't, either, so it wasn't just me. 

I didn't notice the tears that trailed down my face, nor that I had started to cry again. I was only snapped out of my thoughts when something leaned against my leg. Ace, my black German Shepherd. Well, he was technically the family dog, but he had gotten attached to me and became my dog from the moment I had stepped foot in the manor for the first time all those years ago, and that dog was my best friend, even before my human best friend, Roy Harper, aka Arsenal. 

My hand slowly and shakily rested on top of his head, and I felt my throat tighten. "Stop y-yelling at me, D-Dad. P-p-please, just st-stop." I whispered, though it echoed through the cave anyway. I refused to look up at him, so I missed the look on his face, but I was trying not to break down again. If I cried any more tonight, I was going to make myself sick.

Bruce started to tell me off again, but I wasn't having it. I snapped my head up, tears blurring my vision and my eyes glowing a bright toxic green with the Lazarus Pit, and I glared at him through my tears. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" I screamed at him, not caring about the tears on my face. 

"You're standing here yelling at me for something that wasn't even my fault, Bruce. I didn't help you because 1, I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE DOING, and 2, I was busy with my own territory. I needed more help from you than you needed me, Bruce. I tried to call you, but you didn't answer when I needed you. I was trying to save the orphanage kids on my territory because Joker lit the place on fire, and I just lost EVERYTHING!! While you were out on a play-date with some tiny drug dealer, I was having KIDS dying in my arms as I tried to get them out of a burning building ALONE! I HAD NO ONE TO FUCKING HELP ME, BRUCE. I just lost the last safe house I had in Gotham. I just lost all of my guns and things I had to be Red Hood except for what's on my back right now. I just lost 57 children that I had PROMISED to protect and keep safe, children that TRUSTED ME to protect them from anything, and EVERY FUCKING ONE OF THEM JUST DIED IN MY ARMS. The two children that I was going to adopt TOMORROW, literally in 3 HOURS, the children that I was going to make your GRANDCHILDREN, DIED in my arms, terrified and scared. Everyone that was in that building is DEAD, Bruce. That's 68 people, and 84 if you include the dogs and cats and other pets the kids all had. Hell, I was in there with them and almost died AGAIN, the same way I had the first time.