-Hit the Lights- Lars Ulrich x (fem) Reader

I sigh, taking all of the unfolded stuff out of my suitcase so I could re-fold it neatly. James wasn't even trying, he was being an average boy and just chucking his stuff into his suitcase.

We packed everything, and collected the guitars from James' rooms. I followed Cliff out to the bus, as somehow he was the only one ready to go. "So you and James a thing now?" he asked me, "What? No. Where'd you get that idea?" I say. "Well Lars told me what he heard. I thought you and Lars were datin" he takes a pack of cigarettes out of his jean pocket, pulling one out and putting the pack back in. "We were. He.. cheated." I sigh. "Oh." is all Cliff said. "I like your pants." I try to break the silence between us. I always admired Cliff, especially his clothing style, and his hair. He smiled lightly, his way of thanking me. James and Kirk caught up to us, no sight of Lars, though. I follow as Cliff gets onto the bus, the others packing away the guitars. It had been a hot minute since we were on this bus.

"You can sit with me, Lars will probably be avoiding you" James told me. I followed him to his bunk, it felt weird being on the opposite side of the bus. I saw Lars coming to the bus from the hotel, him dragging his suitcase behind him. He looked awful, he was slouched over, his hair was messy and he just didn't look right. I wanted to forgive him, I felt so bad, but he wasn't going to forgive me. I went too far with this. WAY too far. Just for some simple payback. He was drunk when he kissed that girl, and I was well and sober when I did James. Right next to Lars' hotel room.

Lars went to the back chucking his suitcase in, then slowly trailing to the front of the bus. He slowly walked to his bunk, falling down on it facing the wall. He looks miserable. I'm an awful person. He didn't even stop to say hi to anyone, he didn't even look at us. What have I done?

I try to speak to James, "James I gotta forgive hi-" "No, just leave the jackass alone. He'll forgive you and come back crying for your forgiveness on his hands and knees." he interrupts me. "K. What if I don't want to wait though? I made a mistake and I want him back. You know how guilty I feel? Everything I've done was a mistake." I whispered to James. I heard Lars sigh, as James gave him an annoyed glance like Lars did something wrong. I was the one that did something wrong, and James was putting all the blame one Lars. "You made no mistakes. I feel as if we did something good. He deserves it." James told me, I didn't want to hear any of James' shit right now. He wasn't making me feel better about this. I wish I never got that mad at Lars, I wish I never did that with James. James is my friend, he's not someone I loved romantically like I did Lars. Lars was the one I wanted, and I went and threw that away for some simple payback. Payback could've just been a simple kiss from James, not possibly ruining everything between Lars and I.

James laid down as the bus started to move. I was still sitting up. My attention was just on the floor, thoughts racing through my head. Thoughts on how bad of a person I am. How terrible of a girlfriend I was. How I just easily threw everything that gave me happiness away. Lars was the biggest source of happiness for me. I just HAD to throw it away.

Lars was still facing away, his side slowly rising and falling with the movement of breathing. He looked so calm in this current moment, I want to talk to him, but he just looks so peaceful. I mean, he probably isn't. But I still want to talk to him. See if we can fix things. Or try to. I don't care if it's a quick fix between us, or a long one. I just want us to trust each other again. I want us to be happy with each other.

James was annoying me right now, with his poking at me to lay with him. I just wanted to think, but of course I wasn't ever able to because these guys just always need something.

James poked me for the last time, "Just lay downnnn.. relax!" I inhale deeply, holding back from yelling at him. "James, I do not want to lay down. Just leave me alone or I'll go sit with Kirk." James groaned rubbing his face, then turned to face the wall. I assumed James was annoyed so I grabbed my book and went over to Kirks bunk, which was right over Lars'. "Hey Kirk!" I whispered, reaching his bunk. "Oh hey!" Kirk said to me with his adorable smile. "Can I sit with you? We can just read together we don't have to talk." I asked him. He nodded, making more space on his bunk. He was sitting across from me on my right, I was on the left. We made it so we could both stretch our legs out and we're able to lean against something. Since I was on the left side, I was closest to the wall. Meaning I could see Lars from the slight gap. He wasn't really doing anything, just laying there. He looked better than he did earlier, which made me feel better.

Should I talk to him? I don't know how I could. I could write him a letter and pass it back and fourth like kids in school, but who knows if he even wants to talk to me. Kirk was distracted by his comic book, I wanted to come up here and read but it's just so tempting to talk to Lars. I have a notebook, a small one, but it's in my coat pocket. Chances are I have a pen in there too. "Kirk I'll be back I need to get something from my coat" I whisper to Kirk. I climbed down from the bunk, heading to James where my coat was resting on the coat hanger next to the bunk. I dug in my pockets finding the small notebook, checking the other pocket for a pen. There were 2 pens, a black pen and... a neon pink gel pen. Great. I can give Lars the black one and Id have to write in neon pink, how wonderful. I walk back over to the bunk. I dropped the pen right in front of Lars' face, which made him flinch slightly. He picked the pen up and observed it for a minute, then placed it back next to him. I went back up to the bunk Kirk was on, Kirk moved his legs slightly so I could sit back the way we were before. I open the notebook finding a blank page, checking both sides so I don't accidentally give Lars something embarrassing I wrote or drew. I started thinking of what to say, and started writing.