I'M NOT ADRIFT | Eminem

A.N. Sexual content and ending chapter? Woooooooaaahhhhhh

You're body gets used to large and copious amounts of sleep inducing meds after awhile.
After long enough, your body can get used to anything.
After long enough, you can keep yourself awake on nine-hundred milligrams of seroquel.
Whether you wanna fight it or not is ultimately up to you, but giving in feels so much better.

So I stopped fighting it some time around 1 pm last night.
I took it at nine.
That's early for me.
That means I get to wake up the next morning and not feel like the previous night entailed having my body bashed against a wall.
I don't wake up feeling disoriented.
I wake up feeling just... fine.
Not spectacular.
I don't suddenly have a love for a cruel world.
I don't suddenly accept all it's flaws.

I stare up at the ceiling.
I don't know where the giant, human sized spider came from.
It scares me but I know it will resolve itself in a few moments, that or kill me.
I don't know.
I'm impartial towards spiders.
They're really not all that bad.

Sun spills and pools in through the thin blinds, making the room decently bright.
I can stare at Marshall and see every detail on his face.
I can clearly see the spider on the ceiling.
How'd he get in here?
I get those tiny dudes that slip in through cracks or whatever, but I can't comprehend this.
I didn't even know spiders were this big.

"Do you see the spider on the ceiling?"
Marshall's still asleep.
I don't see why I ask him this.
I know I won't get a response.
It's how I feel about most things.
I'm always asking questions that I know won't give me back any answer.
That or not an answer that I want.
Trying to understand anything is pointless.
We all die.
What's the pointy of trying to understand anything?
Just enjoy.
Mindlessly attempt to enjoy a world full of questions.

"Marshall..?" I try to wake him now, not taking my eyes off the spider.
All eight of it's giant, well defined and sharp looking legs.
Its eyes.
All of its eyes looking jumbled and sort of hazy.

If I look away, it might try and sneak off.
That's stupid.
It's the size of me!
Maybe bigger!
Where's it going to go?

"Marshall, there's a giant spider on the ceiling"
I say this with a nonchalance that scares me.
I don't know why I'm not more scared.
I feel the adrenaline seeping in through my veins.
I'd like to run.

He stirs slowly.
Eyes fluttering open with a stupid amount of disregard.
Maybe he didn't hear me?

"Marshall, look at the fucking spider! What the fuck do we do about it?!"
Call in pest control and tell them we've discovered a new species of abnormally large spider?
As if they aren't already fucking terrifying enough.
Why do I have to discover something new?
This is very annoying.

"Nisha... it's a spider, we can just squish it with a napkin... I ain't see you as someone who's scared of spiders" He sighs, keeping his eyes closed and nuzzling his face into the pillow, close to my neck, protesting.
He just wants to go back to bed.
I assume he's hungover.

"It's the size of me!" I shake his shoulder desperately and watch his eyes finally open fully.
I sense some fear as his eyebrows come together in concern, looking up to the ceiling as I point.
My finger desperately directs his attention at the large insect on the ceiling.
As if he can't see it.
Why is he so calm?

"Nisha, what spider?" He groans out the question.
He gives me a confused look.
Questioning.
Perplexed and puzzled.

"What do you mean what spider?"
This is where I realize that, oh yeah, I tend to hallucinate!