Infatuated with a God

Loki

I hated being away from her, but at the same time being near her made my chest tighten. My anger at both her actions and the decisions that fuelled them clouded my judgement far too much to stay around her for now. I needed time away from her to calm down. I needed time to stop hurting. With nowhere else to go, and satisfied that I could still feel her seiðr several floors above me, I settled in Stark's workshop. A crude Midgardian space full of grey metal and the machinery relied on to get by. A sense of emptiness and loneliness permeated the space. The hours Stark spent alone far into the night seemed far more depressing when you knew what it was like. There was no warmth here. No sense of comfort. No wonder Kaya always worried about him. Still, it was the best space I could retreat to for now. Fortunately, the paperwork Stark provided to me through FRIDAY was enough of a distraction. Unfortunately, it didn't serve to be a positive one. The majority of information he had provided me contained the information taken on Kaya during the data breach. Including files on Kaya's past neither of us had been aware of previously. Information I never imagined Stark granting me access too. He didn't trust me enough to do this without a purpose. Perhaps he hoped it would be enough to tip me over the edge and take her to Asgard. It almost was. The hundreds of pages of data leaked detailed missions she had been involved in, scientific data on the experiments conducted on her, and logs of her training. Even video files were found, recordings taken from cameras monitoring the base. The torture she was subjected to.

I knew the majority of this was still hidden from her. Even now she failed to know just how far they went. Just how much trauma she had gone through. Memories hidden from her that I knew she wished to one day access again. Memories I'd have to reveal to her one day, to live through with her. I could barely watch through much of the footage they had uncovered from destroyed Hydra bases. I'd have to be more cautious about revealing too much to her in the future. Or at the very least space it out. Exhausted both physically and mentally, I closed the files to take a break. The combination of a lack of sleep and an intake of alcohol, no matter how poor of an excuse for alcohol it was, rendered me dangerously tired. Still, I knew I had to power through. If I could stay awake until after Stark arrives back, regardless of how many are with him, then I knew I could sleep safely. Only a few hours had passed, but every minute seemed to drag out until several hours felt like a lifetime had passed. It was never too difficult for me not to rest before, and yet the added pressure caused the weight of my exhaustion to increase. Just as I was about to go back to Kaya, to discuss options we had for tonight in further detail, the doors to the workshop opened and Miller sauntered through. His hair was longer and dishevelled, stubble growing through on his chin, cheeks and around his mouth from the lack of taking care of himself. Poorly kept dirty clothes only completed the look. It seemed that his mission in Lagos had taken a toll, and it would be a lie to say I wasn't happy for that. I'd never admit it to Kaya, but any discomfort this mortal felt was a victory in my book. If I wasn't able to cause it myself, I'd have to learn to live with this.

"How can I help you, Agent Miller?" I called out, turning back to pretend to look through one of the files I'd already been through. I was grateful that someone was here to protect her, but I wasn't about to pretend to like him. Merely being around him enraged me. Especially given how every time I was around him his mind was plagued with images of how he wanted to fuck my fiancée. Gods, did he ever not think about having sex with her? It bordered on complete obsession.

"Stark called us back to help with protection. Some of my team will be moving the Mind Crown tonight as well, out of precaution." He stilled beside me, placing a cup of what seemed like coffee down beside me. I eyed him suspiciously, causing him to sigh. "We don't have to like each other, but at least for tonight we have to work together. It's a peace offering, I thought you could use it." He sipped from his own cup, but for now I left mine on the side. "Can you... can you shield us?" Confused but curious, I turned to face him properly. "I... I want to talk to you and given her current actions I'm not entirely convinced she isn't listening." I wondered why he would be so concerned about her hearing him. Perhaps he'd finally reveal he wasn't the kind and considerate man he portrayed himself to be in front of her.