unrequited

"Chanhee give me my stencil back," I stood up from my chair. The rat had just stormed into my room and snatched it out of my backpack.

"Don't be so selfish Dohs , I need it for a project," he held it above his head.

"Selfish? That is so uncalled for—you didn't even ask me!" I argued.

"And? You want me to go tell mom about your make out session in the middle of lunch??" He asked. "I almost threw up. For real. I felt ill. That was so awful to witness!"

I shoved him out of my door frame. "Shut up, god you're so unbearable can't you just let me live??"

"You won't be once she finds out the type of guy you're dating." Chanhee said.

"Why are you being such a bitch about it? Because I'm taken and you're all alone?" I asked.

He scoffed. "Mom!!" He shouted through the hallway.

"Don't be jealous Chanhee," I said. "That I have a more likeable personality than you."

"That is so not true!" He glared and my mom poked her head out of her room.

"What's all the yelling about?" She asked, mostly uninterested.

"Doah's swearing again." Chanhee said.

"I'm innocent! I'm just trying to mind my own business and have my first high school romance." I argued.

Our mother looked from me to him and back before she shook her head. "Doah, no swearing under this household, and Chanhee leave your sister alone."

"Gosh Mom! If only you knew who it was--then you'd agree that I'm just trying to help her out." He groaned.

"Sort it out, I've got to go to work," she said and closed her door again.

"Dohs when will you learn I'm just trying to protect you? I'm your older brother, it's what I do." he turned to me.

"And when will you earn I don't need that? I've had enough of it my whole life and I've lived too cautiously up until now." I brushed past him and bounded down the stairs.

I shrugged off his bad vibes as I made my way to the kitchen. Kevin was standing halfway inside the fridge digging for something, and Juyeon was writing something in the living room.

"You choi siblings sure know how to stir up drama!" Kevin said when he noticed me pour a glass of water.

"You mean Chanhee knows how to stir up drama. I'm just trying to live my own life," I shrugged.

"I know," He turned around and grinned. "I saw you and Sunwoo in the cafeteria."

"Did everyone see that?" I asked. It was petty, but I didn't care if everyone saw. I only cared if one person did.

"Well, mostly people were watching Sunwoo to see who is new gal pal is for the week, but I think people are curious about you." Kevin said.

"Me?" I asked.

"Mhm. So how was it?" He asked.

"Was what?"

"The kiss," He said. "It looked like it was going to keep going if you guys weren't in public..."

I let out a laugh and I shook my head. "It was....." I paused. I decided to go with something safe. "Indescribable." I said.

Kevin gave me a funny look.

"What?" I asked.

"No, nothing, it's just that usually when people have their first kiss they talk about the fireworks--or the spark, or something." He said. "You're giving me nothing."

"Okay well...." I drifted off. "How is a first kiss supposed to feel?"

"I mean I wouldn't know yet but I heard it feels magical! Like your body is floating, like you've found the missing puzzle piece in your life." Kevin looked out the window dramatically.

"That sounds like bullshit to me." I answered. "And how am I supposed to believe someone so inexperienced?"

Just on time, Changmin walked into the living area and Kevin waved him into the kitchen.

"Then let's ask someone with more experience as you would put it," Kevin grinned.

"Ask me what?" Changmin said.

"What your first kiss was like!" Kevin smiled innocently.

Changmin's eyebrows shot up and he glanced at me.

"We're settling a debate." I clarified.

"So? It was magical right? An absolutely out of body experience?" Kevin said.

"I... don't really remember," Changmin scratched the back of his neck. "It was back in like the 7th grade."

"Ugh you're no help." Kevin said. "Juyeon! What do you think?"

Juyeon poked his head above the couch to face us and he shrugged. "Keep me out of it." He said.

My brother slid into the living room and asked, "ready to go guys?" They were going to the pc cafe.

"Yep!" Kevin answered and told me, "we'll finish this later."

Chanhee shot me a look before he led his friends towards the front door.

Changmin lingered for a moment before he turned back to me. We were alone in the kitchen. I never felt such tension being around him. It was usually so comfortable and easy.

"Kevin's right." He said in a low voice.

He stood close in front of me, a few steps would have closed the gap. It was terrible how much I wanted to do that.

"But he's also wrong because it's not that simple," he added.

"Why?" I asked.

"The first 'magic' experience might not come from your first kiss," Changmin said. He was dead serious and he said it in a tone that forced me to listen. "I still haven't had mine." He said.

Him saying that made me pissed off. It was like he was giving mixed signals whether he intended to or not, and I didn't want to hear it.

"Well, I'm sure Serri won't disappoint." I told him, ready to pat his shoulder and walk past him but I didn't. I stayed to see what he would answer just like I always do.

"I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about you."

I hated how much my heart was hurting from him saying that.

"You a-and Sunwoo." He added quickly. "Because you deserve that first experience and if it wasn't then.... Then it's not the right person."

I swallowed. And why are you telling me this?

"But if it was then I'm happy for you—I really am." His lips turned to a smile but there was no sight of his dimple.

"Thanks," is all I could say, because I was truly at a loss for words.

I hope he took my thanks as a sign that it was a magic kiss, and I made the right choice, even though it didn't feel magical at all.

When he turned around and left the house I felt like my first kiss experience had been taken from me.

But from whom?