Reverie

Let me tell you all a little story from when I was but a child, I was always someone who was kept waiting but don't worry I wasn't hurt or upset by It, In fact, I'm pretty sure Half the time I'd find myself enjoying It, well until people in my life found ways to ruin It 

Namely, my mother, she wasn't horrible or anything just worried that her little girl was constantly waiting about for someone to hang out with her, instead of making friends of my own I'd always stand by and watch while I grew up, 

she always hated when other's would make me wait because it showed how much I lacked priority in others' lives while they were held so high in mine, despite being just a child I always defended my friends, It's not like they made me wait for them, I always chose to do it instead because to me, doing something with a friend was better than doing it myself 

My mother would also pester me about making new friends and although I understood, I never actually did it mostly because I liked being around only those I was used to, and the idea of having to go up to people and talk to them made me feel sick, so I preferred waiting for my other friends to clear up their schedule so I could hang out with them, and that caused me to be alone most of the time, even In middle school when I did meet people, they weren't who they'd pretend to be, having actually been going behind my back with my school bullies, so It honestly ruined my self-esteem

Thankfully I did my best not to let it hinder me constantly, so then I decided to stay on my own that way If I were to be alone at least It was on my own accord,  but again It left me waiting a lot for those that were my good friends to finally be there to hang out again, as most of them didn't even live where I did, and with different time-zones, I was kept waiting again and again and again

I almost even wondered If I was annoying to them, So I'd distance myself, but deep-down I kept waiting though I never told them my true feelings so as to not hinder them with my self-deprecating thoughts 

After all, they were just thoughts

right?