Why Can't I Hate You?

I woke up to coldness in the bed next to me. Newt was gone. Perhaps he was with the others. Sitting up, I got myself dressed again and checked the time. I had been asleep for about two hours. I went back down to see the others and was surprised to see Teresa there, removing Thomas's tag. After what just happened, I had almost forgotten about the plan.

Seeing Teresa again was like seeing a ghost. Since she'd left with wicked, it kind of felt like she was dead. Of course, she wasn't. She was very much alive, but it was almost easier to think she was dead rather than betraying us. I observed her operating on the back of Thomas's neck, and she looked different. Still her, but more tidy and elegant, like she was one of them. She looked over to me, and I turned away from her gaze.

"Oh, there you are." Gally walked over to me."I was about to go get you. You're after Thomas."

I looked around the room, but I couldn't see Newt anywhere. "Where's Newt?"

The tension rose in the room. I figured they knew that he had the flare. Thomas wasn't really good at keeping secrets.

"He left this." Gally handed me a piece of paper. Confused, I took it, reading the contents on the page.

I've gone to the crank Palace to be with the other cranks. I'm sorry, it's for the best.

Newt.

"What is this?" I laughed nervously. "Is this a joke?"

Gally just frowned. "No. He's gone."

Gone? He left me. After everything that just happened, he just left?

I crumpled the paper in my hand and dropped it to the floor, grabbing my jacket from the chair. I left it on

"What are you doing?" Gally asked.

"I'm going to get him."

"What? Are you insane? You can't just stroll in there, and what about the plan!"

"Screw the plan, I'm not letting him rot in that place." I turned to Jorge. " Do you know how to get there?"

He pushed off the wall he was leaning on. "I do, hermano."

"Ok, take me."

I followed Jorge to get a berg. It would be the quickest way to get there, according to him. Before I got on, Thomas ran after me. "Y/n! Wait!"

He stood in front of me. "I just- the plan? This our chance to get Minho back, and you're leaving to get Newt? Someone you've hated for as long as I can remember."

"I have to do this, Thomas, even if you have to get Minho back without me."

He stared at me for a while. "Do you love him?"

His question caught me off guard. "I don't want to."

"But you do?"

I smiled solemnly. "Yeah. I do."

He nodded as if acknowledging he had already known for a while. Then, he hugged me. "Good luck."

I boarded the burg, and we took off. I didn't know much about the Crank Palace. I knew that it was where they took a lot of the cranks that they found wandering around, not all of them past the gone. A place for them to live until they became a full-blown Crank. I wasn't sure what they did to them after that, but i didn't want to think about it. Immunes worked as guards there because they couldn't get infected, and it was a good way to make money.

Once we got there, we were stopped by two guards. The bald one spoke first "What's your business?"

"I need to see my friend."

"Can't do that, sorry."

"Not for free." The short one chuckled, and the other one sniggered back.

I rolled my eyes. Of course, they'd want money. Jorge transferred them some money, which just happened to be wicked's. I laughed to myself, thinking about how it was theirs.

They escorted us in, and we followed them into the crank Palace.

"What's this friend of yours look like?" The bald one asked.

"His name's Newt, he's blonde, quite tall, -"

"Ah, I know who you're talking about. The one who came from wicked."

I was surprised to hear that he knew who Newt was. But I was even more surprised at how the place looked. It looked normal for the most part, like a village. There were lots of separate houses, most of the windows were broken and the glass was shattered on the floor.

"Number one weapon as you can see." The short guard said.

A couple walked past, holding hands. They looked at us as they walked by, and I was surprised at how normal they looked. Not insane at all. We stopped at a place that had a sign bowling alley. "Your friend's in there."

I looked back at Jorge and he nodded for me to go in. Cautiously, I went inside. It didn't look much like a bowling alley. The lanes were there, but clearly, they hadn't been used in a long time. People were laying on the floor in sleeping bags, so I was careful not to step on anyone. The last thing I needed was a bite from a crank.

That's when I noticed him in the corner. When I approached him, he didn't look at me. His head hung low in despair.

"Newt?"

Slowly, he looked up at me, and his eyes widened "Y/n what are you doing here?"

"I'm getting you out."

"No, you can't. I belong here, I'm a crank now. I'll be fully past the gone by morning."

"You still have time. We can get you the serum and"

He stood up. "And what? Keep me going on for as long as you can, knowing that eventually I'm going to lose my mind? Wicked did this to me. They gave me the flare on purpose because I'm just a normal person, nothing special. Replacable. I'm going to spend my last hours here alone. I don't want you around me when I turn into a monster."

His words stung. But I wasn't ready to lose him yet. "I'm not leaving without you."

"You can, and you will."

"Please just come with me. I love you."

He chuckled. "So you finally admit it?" his hand tucked a piece of hair behind my ear."Listen, love, you have your whole life ahead of you. You'll forget me, eventually, go to the safe haven, meet someone new, have children. Have the life you've always wanted, and you won't even think about me, you'll be happy."

"Why would I choose to live a life without you?"

"Because I'm asking you to."

I looked into his eyes, thinking how he could ask such a thing. After everything, he was just giving up. Giving me up. I wanted to scream at him, tell him how much I hate him, but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't hate him.

"Why can't I hate you?" My eyes swelled with tears threatening to fall.

He held my head between his hands and softly planted a kiss on my forhead "Goodbye my love."

I left him there. Feeling an empty abyss inside of me. We were strangers again.