Tormented by our Futures (Part 1)

As soon as I left Hogwarts after defeating Voldemort, I never thought I'd be back on this train, but here I am. I'm not sure if it was a good idea to return, but I guess it's too late now. It was utter chaos at King's Cross. But we knew that was going to happen. When I agreed to return to Hogwarts, Ron asked how I would get on the train. The three of us thought about it for a few weeks; we came up with all sorts of things, from just apparating to becoming an animagus to transfiguration. Eventually, we settled on just plain old polyjuice. Apparating through Kings Cross and onto Platform 9 and 3/4 could be tricky with the barriers in place and the high chance of reporters on the platform. I wasn't going to let anyone transfiguring me into a case or something, and becoming an animagus is a long process and probably wouldn't be complete in the sixty or so days we had.

Arthur had been so kind as to give me one of his hairs, and I walked to the train looking like him. Ron kept commenting on how weird it was to be his dad. He would tell me something random, look at me, pause momentarily, think about what he had just said to his dad, and then remember that it was me, not Arthur.

We were right; reporters filled what little space would have been left in the train station, and there were a few brave enough to follow us through the station to see if they could spot me. One tried to get Hermione to make some statement, but she completely ignored him and acted like he didn't exist. All three of us had had our fair share of reporters coming up to us since the war, and we've all collectively decided the best way to deal with them is to pretend they're not there, to the point where you start believing it yourself.

The potion Hermione had brewed a while ago was a short-lasting one. I looked like Arthur Weasley for about an hour, which gave me enough time to get in and on the train without any hassle. Sometimes, I don't know what I'd do without Ron and Hermione. I'd probably be dead, for real.

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Hermione, Ron, and I sit in our usual car, in our usual private compartment -just like old times. "It's quite funny, isn't it? " Hermione says, "Being back on this train, going back to school after all that's happened." Yeah, it is, and I'm not sure I like it.

"S'pose," Ron mumbles, fiddling with something on his jumper without looking up. I'm not sure if he likes this, going back. But we're here as a group, and we always seem to stick together. That and we, maybe not Hermione, need the grades. I know a part of him wants to carry on without having to go back to school, to work his way through life and figure it out one step at a time without having to go back and relive it all, without having to go back to Hogwarts. But I also know that he wants to go home, to return to what he knows, and find comfort again in a familiar place.

Hermione watches Ron rip a loose string from his jumper and then looks at me. "Are you alright, Harry?" She asks softly.

I nod, taking my eyes off my lap. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired," I say. She smiles softly at me and looks back at Ron.

Ron and Hermione sit across from me with food and wrappers from the trolley scattered between them. I sit with my back against the window and my feet propped up on the seats next to me, with a small blanket that Hermione had brought spread across my legs and a book open on my lap. Though I can't focus on it, I've been re-reading the same line for the past ten minutes and feel myself drifting off. I've been so tired recently that I can never keep my eyes open during the day because I'm always up screaming at night, suffering from nightmares. I keep hoping they'll eventually stop, but I doubt they ever will.

When Ron and Hermione returned from their holiday a few months back, they both appeared on my doorstep asking about Hogwarts. The three of us sat in the small Library of 12 Grimmauld Place and talked about what to do next. It was like planning to break into Ministry all over again as if we were still on the run. Strangely, it felt like home. It felt right.