Enchanted -N. Lantsov

No Words Left to Play On

For the first few days, Olysia avoided everyone until she had to interact with people and that usually meant a very one sided conversation with a limited amount of people, all of which excluded Nikolai. It was really quite rude of her.

The first true conversation he had with her was the night Alina got her second amplifier.

Olysia seemed to let her guard down and Nikolai didn't know how to react to it. She allowed herself a chance be vulnerable but Nikolai was too far trapped into his lie and he paid the price for it. He could see her close off when he made that stupid comment but he did not know how to be better.

She shut down completely and did everything in her power to avoid him. Olysia even initiated a civil conversation with Tolya about his ridiculously long poetry to escape Nikolai's presence.

Nikolai knew he deserved it but it hurt more than he thought it would.

So he kept his distance from her and watched Olysia from afar with wishful eyes. Most nights, even before she was on his ship, he would find himself staring at the dagger she made all those years ago. As if to hold on to all the memories he refused to let fade away.

If Nikolai was lucky, he could sneak in with the big groups and she wouldn't leave. He could even get away with a comment or two directed towards her which normally ended in a eyeroll or a snarky comment in return but he took it graciously, happy for anything he could get.

As the frozen gray waters turned warmer and blue, it seemed that Olysia followed in suite. She wasn't as alone as she used to. Whenever he looked for her, she seemed to be in at least one person's company.

She would fix Tamar's weapons, making them stronger and sharper while Tamar would talk her ear off. She would talk about any and all forms of literature with Tolya. She gave Beyran little tips on how to heal better based on what little she did know about Healers. She let Mal have one person conversations about weapons. Olysia and Alina would simply sit next to each other, no words were exchanged but it always felt like there was an understanding that stood between them. Nikolai was happy that if he couldn't be there for that others were.

Even though she wasn't isolated, Olysia was still very closed off, speaking as little as she could get away with. Nikolai could see how tense she would get whenever everyone talked about their past and how they criticized the Grisha who went to Os Alta to serve the Ravkan King in the Second Army.

He saw how her eyes darkened at the poorly concealed insults but she kept her thoughts to herself. When it was her turn to share, she only mentioned how she was originally from Os Kervo and how she worked near the docks which is where she gained her affinity for so many different languages.

Everyday he saw Olysia was a day that Nikolai had to fight with himself. All it would take is a simple admission. She'd be pissed at him, there's no doubt about that, but at least she would know. He left her without so much as a warning, he tried to tell her the truth but at the end of the day, he was still just a fancy con artist.

From her point of view it looks like he rejected her and ran away, which he did not do. Nikolai Lantsov might have been a master of deception but with Olysia he was as clear as a window pane and she would have known something was up.

Nikolai wasn't sure he would be able to look at her when he told her he was leaving and if he hadn't stopped them that night, he physically could not have left.

It should have been easy, but deep down, he was scared and at the end of the day his cowardice won out. Any thought of telling her his deepest and darkest secrets was left confined to his dreams before he woke up and did it all again.