the first one ? j. hughes

42

"You're so pretty," he says, almost a whisper.

There are so many thoughts racing around my head. The main one is about all those times I used to imagine what dating Jack might be like. Would he call me pretty? Would he be clingy? Would it be everything and so much more? Or would he fall short? Would he skip out on plans? Would he pull dumb bullshit? Would he call me crazy?

Would he be an exception? Or would he be the same?

He sighs. "Where were you? Wanted to share with you."

"I was with Lu," I say. "You didn't invite me."

"Oh, right."

I nod. I nod. I nod. I let it go, is what I do. There's not much else to do. I let it go. I let it slide. As I park the car and Jack clambers out, the words of two boys hugging pillows in my parents' basement rush into my mind. There are plenty of things I want to be. The girl who lets bullshit slide isn't one of them.

My laugh starts small. Barely even an exhale. Then the next thing, I know. I'm laughing full-on. Not like stomach hurting laughing or anything. Just like small little chuckles or giggles or something.

Still, Jack flinches like I burst out laughing loudly. "What's funny?"

"It's just— Some of the best advice I've never used came from drunk, seventeen-year-old Trevor and Cole," I explain through the laughs. "I should've used it the night they gave that stupid advice."

"Is it stupid or the best advice?" Jack asks.

"Both."

He frowns. "What is it?"

"Not to let you get away with all the shit I always let you get away with," I state like it's a fact. 'Cause it is.

"What shit?" He spits out, raking his fingers through his hair.

"Oh, I don't know, J." I get out of the car and join him on the sidewalk. "Maybe shit like canceling all our plans for the past little bit just to call me to come pick you up drunk the same night you canceled on me. That's worse than the shit you pulled to make them tell me off for how I let you get away with things."

"You're being—"

"What? Crazy? Am I being crazy?"

"No!" He shouts. Then lowers his voice. "God, Prez, no. You're being right."

I huff and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what? Say you're right? Do you hear yourself right now?" He mirrors my huff.

"Give up so easily. That's not how we work."

"Well, I don't know if you haven't fucking noticed but we haven't been working the same way we usually do!" He's shouting again and it makes the pressure in my head worse. My eyes feel hot, like they're on the verge of angry tears but I won't let myself cry right now.

"I know! You think I don't know that?" I didn't mean to match his volume. "This was supposed to be so easy! It was easy."

"Maybe Holl—"

"Don't you fucking dare finish that sentence, Jack Rowden Hughes." It's cliche, I know, but if looks could kill the boy I've loved my entire life would be dead.

He knows it too because he deflates a bit. Most of the clear signs of a pissed-off Jack dissipate. "Yeah, I'm sorry, honey. I'm just... Really fucking drunk."

"Yeah, I know. You skipped out on our plans to go get really fucking drunk." I cross my arms like I used to when all the other kids told me and Luke to leave them alone. "Thanks for rubbing it in."

"I know you let me get away with bullshit I shouldn't," he admits and it makes me want to scream. "But I let you get away with a lot of shit too."

Somehow, instead of screaming, I laugh. "Like what? Like when?"

"Letting you almost sneak out to go hang out with what's his name. Picking you up from a party. Picking you up from a bar fight. That road trip you suddenly insisted we go on. A fuck ton more." He shrugs. "But there's bigger stuff neither of us lets the other get away with. That's how it works. If we fell apart after every little thing nothing would run smoothly."

"I can't let what you've been doing slide," I say.

"I know," he says.

My feet step closer to him on their own. "But, you can make up for it. You can commit to our plans. We can do more than text. We can actually see each other and not when it's me being called to pick you up from a bar after canceling plans while I watch stupid reality TV with Luke."

"You guys were watching reality TV?" He asks it as if it's the most insane thing he's ever heard. "Like The Bachelor or?"

"The Kardashians, for some reason," I laugh.

"Ugh, oh my god. I can never cancel plans with you if that's what you're gonna do instead," he jokes.

"Cancel plans on me again and I might call your mother and tell on you," I joke back.

He stumbles slightly as he walks toward me. His hands don't even hesitate to land on my waist. "I'm sorry. I am. I was doing unslidable shit tonight."

"Oh, sweetie," I mumble, hand on the side of his face. "That's so not a word but I appreciate the attempt."

"Can we go to bed?" He whispers.

"No," I say and he pouts out his bottom lip. "You have to sit through at least an episode of The Kardashians. As payback."

He rolls his eyes dramatically. "You're lucky I love you."

"You're lucky I love you."

"I know."

**
a/n
for people who can ignore each other in anger so easily they sure do suck at it the moment they argue about it