the first one ? j. hughes

My head rises and falls with Jack's breathing. I can hear his heartbeat. It's all so calm. It feels like being in the sun. It feels like summer even though just this morning I was convincing Ki I was about to die from frostbite as we went to get coffee.

My phone buzzes. Jack shifts. It's probably Luke sending me some stupid TikTok or Instagram post. Nothing big. Nothing bigger than this. Except another buzz follows. It's a message, not some random notification.

I sigh and grab my phone from beside me. Jack shifts again.

* * *

holly
Hey, Prez. Brosie and I are in NY,
I know it's stupid but I think we
should get dinner or something
and clear the air. I know you won't
want to. Which is fine. But, I want
to.
You can bring whoever. Jack, Lu, Ki
or even all of them.

* * *

"The fuck does she want?"

Jack's groggy voice scares me so much I sit up immediately. And it's a question I can't even answer. I fumble out, "I don't know."

"Get Luke in here," he mumbles. "Council of the Minds or whatever you guys call it."

* * * * *

If I were Quinn or Penn and got called on a group FaceTime to answer and it be me, Luke, and Jack sitting on the couch staring at a laptop, I'd hang up immediately. But since we have the best oldest brothers in the entire world, they have stayed on the call for over an hour now.

"She's a fucking, and pardon my language, cunt," Luke says.

I gasp. "Since when do you say cunt like that?!"

"Alright, Mom, settle down."

"Hey," Penn says. "Holly's not a cunt. She's a top-of-the-line asshole, sure."

"Can we get back on track?" Jack stops Luke before he can argue.

My best friend lets out the deepest of sighs. "Yeah, okay. She crossed the line. Badly."

"We know that," my boyfriend snaps. "I don't think she gets to have redemption."

"We have all crossed a ton of lines with each other. That's what happens sometimes," my brother says.

And he's right. I can place so many times even Luke and I have crossed the line with each other. It's what happens. We aren't even blood related and I've forgiven him more times than I can count. From pulling my hair to yelling at me to dragging me out of parties while pissed off. From being kids to being adults. Our parents have drilled loyalty into us even though it was already in our blood.

It's not the first time Holly and I have had an intense situation. I'm sure it won't be the last. We used to scratch, hit, and scream at each other. We'd come storming into each other's room demanding our clothes back from the other. There was a civil war where we didn't talk for two months, at least. Over an argument about how I thought she was favorited and she thought I got away with everything.

My brain instantly wanted to respond to her text. This simple, no-brainer pull to my sister. She's my sister. Sisters do fight. Sisters go too far. She once ripped a head off my doll because I stained one of hers with nail polish. I once cut her favorite shirt in half because she took one of mine without asking and then refused to let me borrow hers.

Despite that though, she's the one who taught me how to be a girl. She taught me how to take care of my curls once she learned how to take care of hers. Whenever I found a better nail tech, I told her. Constantly, I copied her outfits and she copied mine. We wanted to be each other. We wanted to know each other.

All you ever need is your sister really. To humble you and to care for you in ways a lot of people can't. To be your lifeline as a girl. As a woman. To watch as she walks down the aisle and nearly tear up because she knows everything. She knows that her dad isn't there. Our dad. We share the same everything.

"Prez?" Jack's voice fades into my focus. "What do you think?"

"I'm going to," I say.

There's a silence.

"I need to."

Luke sighs. "You don't have to."

"She says she needs to, she needs to," Quinn, my lifelong savior, defends my choice. Jack sucks in a breath to say something and his brother doesn't let him get it out. "Kenna knows what she needs and even if you tell her not to she will. We've all learned that lesson by now."

"I know but— Okay, yeah." Jack slumps back into the couch.

* * *

Ken
okay.
you and me? no one else?

holly
Of course, sissy
Whatever you want

Ken
swear?

holly
Pinky promise

Ken
ok yeah
pinky promise
i'll pick a place

holly
It's your territory
Just tell me what to wear

Ken
it'll be a nice place