The Wind Loop

17 | collywobbles

Ju Ho sighed, her hands curling themselves into fists. "I can't deny that. I'm sorry, okay? I did not want to do that. I was having too much on my mind and couldn't handle the confrontation."

"Listen, Ju Ho. It's not like I have nothing to worry about. We all have problems in our own life but we can't just let them play with our emotions everytime. I meant no harm and thought that it would be the best to apologise that day. If you could react so harshly, why can't I just stay silent today?"

"I want to make it up to you, somehow. I reflected on it later. To be very honest, you were doing nothing but showing some concern. I misinterpreted it."

"Is that everything that you are apologising for?"

"Fine. I have been avoiding you totally for quite sometime. I raised my voice without understanding you. I acted like an idiot and accused you of thinking about how insecure I am."

"I never said so. I said that it's fine to be vulnerable at times. You have seen me being so. We are humans, Han Ju Ho. We are not perfect."

"It's just so hard to accept that I have something going wrong in my life. I just can't seem to figure out why I'm so stressed out internally. Okay, I do know about some factors but this constant hollow feeling... I don't really know how to interpret all that. I was upset that I let you see a version of me that I am unsure about."

"Didn't you see the same if you consider my situation? I am glad that you gave it some thought. Still, I should have had asked you for your consent before touching you. Curiosity knocked me over. I didn't even bother to ask you properly about your side of the story. I couldn't help but feel guilty about everything." reflected Ye Bin.

"Don't. I wouldn't have been able to say mine, though. It's just I don't know when I started ruining my own scalp and just went on with it. I have been pretty oblivious about it. I kept picking on my skin and found it to be relaxing. I don't know if I should use that word. It doesn't make much sense."

"I searched it up." Ye Bin looked into his eyes. "I don't know if it's crossing the line again but I looked into this matter. Turned out that it's pretty common."

"It is?" he raised an eyebrow, slightly surprised.

"Somehow, it is. There are tons of people like on the internet claiming that they have been holding onto this habit for months and years. Apparently, it's a medical condition called dermatillomania."

Ju Ho nodded, his eyes unable to focus again. The information slowly trickled inside his brain and he couldn't decipher why he had totally ignored the possibility of developing such a medical condition for months. Maybe because he had no idea that something of that sort existed in the first place.

Ye Bin carefully monitored his clenched jaw. He looked like he's dazed as she skimmed through his features carefully.

"Are you upset with me, again?"

"No. Definitely not." Ju Ho forced a smile on his face to mask his concern for himself. "I'm just thinking about what I should do to cute myself. I have no clue about this."

"You should visit a dermatologist. I am not a medical expert and let's not trust the internet about everything. It might be something different too."

"I should. I definitely should." he mused. "I can atleast try to get rid of whatever urge I have everyday, to pick on it. Maybe I wouldn't be able to fix it altogether but I can try atleast."

"It will be fine. Or atleast that's the inference I can draw from the internet for now."

"I have stopped hurting my scalp since that day." he added. "The scabs are drying up. Whatever you told me that day was necessary. I stopped because of that. I just couldn't see your good intentions at that moment."