Marionette(My Strings Are Titanium, You Cannot Cut Them)

For a long, long time, Goro Akechi had been content with being a monster. Embraced it, even. Being a good person wasn't his priority. He had blood on his hands, he didn't deny it to himself. He was a horrible, disgusting person who was better off dead. He could live with that until his job was done.

Each day was the same thing. Wake up early, shower, eat, take his medication, head to school, go to the police station to do detective work, report to Shido if needed, maybe travel to Mementos to hunt down any new targets, study, sleep. That's what he did. At least, he was supposed to.

3:18am, gasping for breath, plagued once again by nightmares. Wake up early, check.

Mirrors covered, face up, refusing to look at his body out of disgust. Scrubbing, burning, skin bright red and scarred. He only looked at his face to apply layers of makeup over scars and shadows plaguing his skin. Shower, check.

Cup of coffee, watching the news. His interview from two days ago comes on, sickly sweet and stranger. He throws up and dumps the rest. Eat, check.

Medication taken with a glass of water, hoping it'll stay down while the effects kick in. It doesn't always. He can't stomach even water sometimes nowadays. Check.

Subway taken to school, crowded, cramped, he feels sick. Somehow he manages to keep himself steady. He passes as an honors student, highest grades and fakest smile. The girls giggling about him make him want to scream. The attention is almost as revolting as he is. Check.

Two new targets from Shido, he's thankful the meeting passed without a hitch. Last time a guard punched him in the gut simply for speaking too soft. It was not much quieter than usual, if any at all. Shido had been in a bad mood that day. Check.

Mementos was same as always. He reveled in killing weak shadows, no harm done from it, having a bit of control without consequence was the easiest part of his day to pretend he enjoyed. He watched the light leave one person's eyes, begging forgiveness, and sanity leave the other. They were small enough in the world that the news likely wouldn't report much if anything, maybe if the psychotic breakdown caused panic. He could block it now, but once he was at his apartment their screams would haunt him. Ehara Yakumo. Yamataka Izo. He never forgot names. He tried. Check.

Another shower, scrubbing every time he was touched that day from his body. Shadows grabbing for him in the metaverse, arms brushing his on the subways, the girl who fell on top of him and pretended it was an accident. It never touched his skin, all but his head obscured by cloth, but he could feel it hours later. Eventually, the water at his feet turned red. He took out his schoolwork after, 1am, doing what he could. Exhaustion crept up eventually, and he passed out on his notes. Check.

4:28

Goro woke up to pain once again. His stomach hurt so bad. He took deep breaths, shaky, in and out. Was it worth five minutes of satisfaction only to be hunched over a toilet once again, burning from the inside? He used to think it was. Goro wished he could eat without sickness. But try as he might, images of those he'd destroyed would always prevent it.

A small groan slipping through his lips, tired limbs pushing himself from his chair, Goro limped to the kitchen. He back hurt, curtesy of his sleeping position. His stomach hurt, curtesy of his eating habits. Ribs, feet, head, chest, he wasn't quite sure if anything didn't ache.

No shock to him, there was barely anything in his fridge. He was pleasantly surprised to learn he had half a leftover crepe, however. Sweet food tended to be the only thing he could take. At least the calorie count was high, and it could provide momentary happiness.

Goro tried so hard to eat normally. Picking up sweets on his way to work, grabbing dinner at fancy restaurants. In public, it was usually fine. Distractions were everywhere, people were kind to him, and he could pretend that every piece of himself wasn't a façade. His intent was never to starve himself, he genuinely tried to maintain his health. Try as he might, he just couldn't do it.