Missing - JJ Maybank

Warning: Hallucinations due to mental health issues.

My body jolts forward, a gasp escaping my mouth while I clutch my head, begging my brain to turn the flashbacks off, leave me alone.. leave me alone.

"Princess. You're okay. I'm here." JJs sleepy voice sounds from behind me. His hand rubs my lower back while I regain my breathing, "Come here."

My body lays back, letting him pull me into his chest, "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"It's okay, lets get some more sleep. We've got a few hours before I have class." He sleepily kisses my head before falling back asleep.

Once he's unconscious I slip out from under his arms and crawl off the bed, quietly changing into my bikini and clothes. He lightly snores while I dig around for my stash of coke, I look back at him a few times while my shaky bandaged hands get my line ready. Once I'm done, I quickly got rid of the evidence and leave the room before he can stop me.

I tip toe through the house, noticing Kie and Pope are passed out on the couches in the living room, so I slowly escape out the backdoor and run to the shed to find my surf board. I don't want to drive the Twinkie and chance waking anyone up or strap a board to the stop of my beautiful Porsche, so my only option is to tuck my board under my arm and walk in the dark to the beach.

I'm assuming it's close to 6am by the time I make it the the water, the waves look amazing this morning, making me smile.

I put my board in the sand and rip my bandages off my hands, throwing them away in the public trash cans, before inspecting the damage I inflicted on myself. Shit. My knuckles look horrible, they're puffy and busted open. The salt waters going to hurt like a bitch, but I don't care. I need to get out on the waves and think clearly.

My board is back under my arm while I run into the dark waters, the waves crash against my body, bringing goosebumps to my skin when the air and water mix around me. My hands sting but I still push myself to keep paddling out farther, I want to hit the bigger rolling waves. Surfing in the dark always has its risks but it's fun, you have extra adrenaline coursing through you and the waves are always gnarlier.

I rip through the waves, a smile on my face when I feel the rush hitting me. God I've missed this. I've been thrown in a few times but I'm still having fun. The sun is still sleeping while I continue hitting wave after wave, making me wonder how early it really is.

Blood runs from my knuckles, making the board slippery so I finally take a break and wait for the sunrise, letting the waves push me closer to the beach.

Being out here like this reminds me of my icy blue eyed best friend and my ocean eyed boyfriend. For two different reasons, first being, Rafe and I used to spend hours sitting on the beach taking and reading together. It was the only time being a Kook and Pogue didn't matter because no one was around to pick on our weird friendship or try to get us to admit we were secretly dating. There was no judgment when we were alone enjoying each others company, it was just us being friends.

Being here also reminds me of JJ, because we used to surf almost everyday together, whether it was a morning thing or late afternoon activity, we'd be out here without a worry in the world. We'd teach other new tricks or give each other advice, it was a given that we'd be here together, everyone knew where to find us if we disappeared after school or if we weren't home on a random weekend morning, the waves were our outlet. Now we barely touch them.

I don't want to lose myself, though I feel like I already have. I'm lost in the world, the salty breeze is pushing and pulling me between two places, the waves rolling me around, battering me until I'm black and blue. My life makes for a great book, that's for sure, but some boring bits would be nice, I'd like to take a pause and chill for a while. I know I can't have that though, I'm a Singh after all. I have obligations and responsibilities that the pogues have no idea about, though they're getting small glimpses into my life, they saw me interact with Maceo a few times and now Singh.