Come Closer

All night, dreams of me haunted Jamie and he kept waking up, always hoping to see me sleeping beside him peacefully. The only thing he saw was an empty bed with no one beside him. Not even his girlfriend. He just kept staring up at the ceiling, his mind racing. Intrusive thoughts kept entering his mind over and over again, encouraging him to go to the bathroom and punch walls, cut his arms, drink alcohol, do drugs or just slit his throat or wrists and be done with it. Everything he promised himself he'd never do again. He tossed and turned all night, only to wake up to someone talking to him. He opened his eyes in hopes to see me in my cute pajamas but instead, Lily's face popped up in front of his face.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" Lily approached him swiftly, donning a tender and charming smile, as if the happenings of the previous night had been entirely erased from her memory.

"No and I'd like to continue sleeping, thank you very much." he said as he turned away from her, closing his eyes again and hoping his dreams would take him back to me.

"Jamie, come on. Don't be like this. Talk to me, what's wrong?" Lily asked him, her tone gentle and worrying.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm just not in the mood to get up yet." he said, sitting up in the bed and leaning against the bedframe.

"Is it Callista?" Lily asked with a hint of jealousy in her tone.

"What if it is?" he asked her, his tone slowly turning cold and aggressive again.

"It's always her, isn't it? Why are you always so upset about her? I am your girlfriend, not her. You spend so much time thinking about her that you forget about me. Wake the fuck up Jamie!" Lily started yelling with an angry fire blazing inside her eyes, her tone slowly filling with jealousy and spite.

"It's about her because I don't want to lose her! You have absolutely no idea how many things she helped me get through and how much she's suffered! Of course, I think about you too! I'm here with you, am I not? You just need to fucking understand that she's my best friend and I can't fucking lose her!" Jamie yelled back at Lily as a fire of fury ignited in his eyes as well.

"Oh, boo-hoo. Then why don't you date her? Don't let me stop you! Because obviously, you care more about her than you ever cared about me!" Lily continued, the argument in full swing. He couldn't stop anymore. When it came to me, he couldn't stop. It was always out of his control. Jamie braced himself, taking a deep breath, before he finally dove headfirst into the argument with all his might.

"That's not fucking true! I care about the both of you, only in different ways! I love you both but I have a different love for her and a different love for you! Why can't you fucking realize that?" he yelled, rage radiating off of the both of them. Which love was for whom was another thing. Even Jamie himself didn't know the answer to that question back then even though he had his suspicions. But that didn't matter at that moment. All that mattered was that he couldn't stop. His mind was on fire as he did everything to defend his words, no matter how true they were. Lily was probably right but he couldn't admit that. To himself or Lily.

"Oh, stop bullshitting! You obviously care more about her than you do about me. You spend way more time with her and you're always worried about her, even when she's perfectly fine! You always think about her and you're always upset about her! Not me! Her. It's never about me. Just fucking admit you're in love with her so we can get this over with!" Lily continued as tears started to spill from her eyes. If I'm honest, Jamie didn't have to take it that far. He could've just ended the whole thing with getting up from the damn bed or just denying that he was upset about me and everything would've been fine. But he didn't. The moment he saw the tears running down Lily's cheeks was the moment that Jamie realized that he's taken it too far but there was no going back anymore. No turning back, no undoing of what he's done. It was out of his control.