Crazy In Love | Buggy

-content warning: smut-

At some point during the night, I awoke to find myself absolutely freezing. When I looked to Buggy, I saw that he was still fast asleep. For a moment, I just watched him. He was so peaceful as he slept. His mouth hung slightly open, he made soft noises in his sleep.

I could have just stared at him forever, but when I touched my hand to his forehead, I found it ice cold. I was paranoid about him being too cold - it felt as if I needed to keep him warm at all times.

So, I begrudgingly peeled my eyes away from him, moved up from my comfortable spot, and set about trying to start the fire.

Luckily, there were still a lot of matches left in the matchbox Buggy had. The first one I striked glowed bright, and when I flung it into the fireplace, the logs caught immediately.

Heat instantly radiated out. I held my hands closer, rubbing them together, trying to heat myself. It really was freezing in here. That's when I heard Buggy's voice from behind me.

"You've only been gone for half a minute, and I already miss you," He told me, in a drowsy voice. "I promise to give you some blanket if you come back."

I wondered how long he had been awake. Had he been awake when I was staring at him, touching his forehead? That made me feel slightly embarrassed.

"May I remind you that you're completely naked underneath it?"

"Don't worry, Bets. I still respect your boundaries. I won't try anything funny."

That made me feel a lot all at once. When I had thought he was dead, or at least close to death, I had regretted my decision to keep us as just friends. Now, I didn't care about the repercussions of us being together.

If the clowns didn't like it, screw them. If they people from my town disliked it, I'd deal with that when I was back there. As for my family, that was definitely more complicated. Of course, I didn't want them to hate me. It was all so confusing, but I had decided I didn't care right now.

I crawled back in beside Buggy, under the covers, too. My face flushed slightly at the thought of him being naked underneath the covers we were sharing. I tried not to think about it.

There was so much I wanted - no needed to say. I wasn't sure where to begin. But I knew I had to. Or I'd always live to regret it.

"Bug?"

"Yes?" I was silent for a moment. He clearly noticed it, looking into my eyes. "Talk to me, Bets. What's wrong?"

"When I thought you were going to die, all I could think about is how much time we wasted."

His eyebrows furrowed tightly together. The position we were in, I was propped up on my elbows, so I could see his face so clearly. It was full of confusion.

"I don't understand."

A part of me began to worry that I had left this too late to fix. I worried in that moment that he might not want me anymore. What if his feelings for me had disappeared? What if all his flirting was more just a joke than anything real?

"I've been so caught up by my morals and by fear of how other people perceive me, that I pushed you away when all I really wanted was..."