Regret Flows (Frerard)

Gerard leaned against his kitchen island with the back of his hips pressed against the black marble countertop and his hands resting on either side of his body. He stood alone, admiring the foliage in his garden as it danced gently in the light autumn breeze. Eventually, he pushed himself off the counter and made his way across the kitchen to the stairs, looking down on his entirely black home as ascended before he entered the master bedroom at the top. Gerard appreciated living alone because he found himself to be the only person who could seem to stand being surrounded with so much blackness, however he admitted he had been longing for company as the nights grew colder.

The artist reached into his pocket, retrieving his phone and checking the time. Disappointed when he saw there were still no messages from Frank, he headed into the en suite and set it on the counter with a soft clack as it hit the marble. Gerard reached into the shower and turned on the tap allowing the water to heat up. Beginning with his shirt, he began to undress, neatly placing each garment into a hamper as it was removed. He looked down at his body, noticing his stomach and how much weight he had gained since overcoming anorexia. He knew he was now a healthy weight, but still heard the horrible things shouted at him from his adolescence echoing in his head. Trying not to dwell, he pulled his eyes away from the mirror and reached his hand into the shower to test the water before stepping in.

Gerard stood under the hot flow of water, letting it penetrate his long hair and run down his body. He grabbed the bottle of shampoo, squeezed a palmful into his hand and massaged it into his scalp, appreciating the lustrous scent of warm vanilla as it dripped down his chest. After rinsing, Gerard did the same with the matching conditioner, but let it sit in his hair knowing it wouldn't shine the same way if he didn't. He took the time to let the steaming water continue to run over the rest of his body and let his mind drift.

Frank was gay, he knew that. Why hadn't he called yet? Gerard thought to himself, maybe he just didn't find him attractive? But he hadn't set it up as a date or anything- he just said he wanted to hang out. He hoped he hadn't scared the other off by coming on too strong, remembering how surprised he looked when Gerard had introduced himself at his table. Frank's wide deer like eyes reflected in Gerard's memory, resulting in a subconscious micro smile. The way his hair kept falling over his hazel orbs before being promptly brushed away again teased Gerard; he wanted to brush it back himself, revealing the wide timid eyes beneath. He wanted to cradle the boys face in his palm and stare endlessly into his gentle caring eyes, and brush his lower lip softly with his thumb. Gerard bit down on his own lower lip softly thinking of Frank's lip ring, and how it clicked ever so quietly every time he raised his mug to it.

Gerard realized he had been allowing himself to slip too far into his daydream as he was brought screaming back to reality by the feeling of his member growing stiff. Though tempted, he decided it would be too weird to jerk off over someone he knew well enough to not be a complete stranger, but not enough to justify his sinful act so he shook the damning images of Frank from his head. Gerard rinsed the conditioner from his hair, trying to think of gross things to calm himself down again, and finished his shower after scrubbing residual paint off his upper arms and face.

The twenty seven year old toweled off gently before wrapping the black cloth around his defined hips. Since his sobriety, he had been making an effort to work out more which was resulting in a pleasing amount of muscle growth. He stood in front of his large mirror, turning to the side and watching as the light cast shadows on the dips and contours of muscle. In his own words, he was 'as muscly as he could allow himself to be and still take himself seriously as an artist,' which meant he had decent biceps and shadows of abs, but nothing more.

Instinctively, Gerard tapped his phone screen again, nearly shorting a circuit in his brain when he saw he had a message from an unsaved number. He grabbed his phone excitedly, raising it to his face to read it closely. 'Have you ever seen The Shining?'