Penalty Kill [NY Hockey #1]

Huey loves Harper, and Harper loves Huey.

I'm watching the two of them romp around in crunchy brown grass, which they've been at for well over an hour now. My old boy is having the most fun I've seen him have in ages. It's rare I get a chance during the season to get outside with him for this long—I've got a pet sitter that'll come by and give him good walks and lots of love while I'm away, but it doesn't beat getting him to the park to thoroughly get all his zoomies out.

And little did I know, it looks like Harper was equally overdue to get her zoomies out, too.

The cold bite of the early November air has turned her cheeks and the tip of her nose a brilliant rosy red, and the chilly weather hasn't stopped either of them from playing and running around like lunatics. I've watched the clouds of their breath move around from each corner of the dog park, my laughter echoing Harper's as her and Huey play like two long-lost best friends from grade school.

It's incredible to watch the two of them together. I've never brought a girl around Huey. He's been to the rink and met all my teammates dozens of times, he always goes to my parents farm when I visit to live his best dog life. But I've never introduced him to someone I've been dating. It feels like a stupid fucking thing to get emotional over, but seeing how much joy Huey is bringing Harper, and vice versa, well, I'm glad I've got sunglasses on.

The last few years have been fucking brutal. I've got aging parents upstate who are relying on me to come pick up where they've left off on our generations-old farm. I'm fighting for my life to get one more year out of my contract, struggling season after season to be the player I once was. I've taken a beating in the press, I've been booed off the ice, I've been called every name under the fucking sun on social media.

Washed up. Has-been. Useless piece of shit. Waste of space. The list goes on, and I've been drowning in those words swirling around in my mind like a merciless vortex when I hit the ice. But this week ... It's like there was a switch flipped in my brain that was always there, I just never knew how to find it.

It turned off all the noise. All the people talking bullshit about me faded away to nothing when I skated out to play my fucking heart out. As hard as I tried to not be superstitious, I can't help but think that my focus this week has been in large part due to the woman I'm currently watching romp around with my dog while laughing her head off.

Something about her has tilted the ice of my mindset.

Play hard, leave it all out there so when she's watching you, she won't think you're the has-been piece of shit everyone has been telling you you are—even your own coach. Let her see the man you once were out there, skating circles around people, making moves and throwing checks and talking shit before beating the shit out of whoever happened to deserve it that night.

It's like my soul's been on mute, and she figured out how to bring the sound back. Wanting her to be impressed by me, wanting her to see me operate at my fullest potential, wanting her in general. It's sparked something in me that I've been fighting desperately to reignite for years.

All this time, I've been creating this legacy. Working hard for a long, successful career, getting ready to take over the farm—and the dream was always to have someone by my side through it all. That was shot to hell after I got my stupid fucking heart broken my rookie year.

My ex cheated on me with one of my best friends, and ended up getting pregnant. There's nothing quite like having your heart ripped out of your chest and stomped on by not only one, but two people you've given all your trust, time and energy.

I haven't revisited even the thought of a long-term relationship since. I've dated off and on, had sex with strangers when the loneliness got so bad it was nearly crippling. It's not something I'm proud of, but it helped me get through some of my darkest times in order to just keep going. To put one foot in front of the other and keep getting up every day.