His last message ~Soukoku~

You have abandoned me...

Chuuya?

Is it really you?

Are you really sad about this?

I put my cellphone next to me on the sofa, and lean back, with my arms crossed behind my head. I would never have believed that Chuuya would have seen my distancing myself from the mafia as an abandonment towards him. After all, he never did much to show that he cared about me.

Even though I wasn't entirely honest with him on this point either...

Nakahara Chuuya, the only one who managed to make me feel feelings other than anger, the only one with whom I was able to spend almost normal moments within the mafia environment, the only one who ever understood what was really going through my mind head.

The only one I ever "loved".

I have never understood what love could be, having always been surrounded by people who exploited me for their interests, and the only one who remained close to me for a while was Odasaku, who died in my arms four years ago.

But Chuuya, with his long red hair tied back, his eyes deeper and bluer than the ocean itself, his freckles, his tender dimples, his perfect white teeth, and his adorable short stature is the only one who it allowed, just by looking at him, to perceive that sensation of butterflies that pervade my stomach, making me want to hug him and hold him close to me forever, to gently caress his head, to try the taste of his soft lips...

I shake my head, chastising myself for the sudden thoughts that crossed my mind and twisted it for a few seconds. I decide to get up and go to the kitchen to look for something to eat. I open the fridge, which inside looks more like a wasteland. I spot some moldy salad in a bowl at the bottom of a shelf, an expired bag of some cured meats, two spoiled eggs and a bottle of now curdled milk on the door. Sighing, I close the fridge and walk away dejectedly towards the closet that I still insist on calling the "pantry". I grab a pack of instant ramen and go back to the kitchen to reheat it.

Once I've finished eating, I throw myself back on the sofa and pick up my old folding phone again. I turn it back on and continue reading Chuuya's messages.

Chibi-chan

Hey, Dazai

I don't give a shit if you disappeared and your messages don't arrive anymore, I'll continue to break your balls anyway.

In any case, now I'm the one who has to supervise Akutagawa's training.

It's really a pain, I just want to stay at home in peace.

Sometimes I go to the port to listen to the lapping of the waves against the boats anchored at the pier, and I smell the intense smell of salt and fried food from the restaurants along the seafront.

I wonder if you still remember that, idiot...

Of course I remember, Chuuya.

And how could I forget all our missions to the port, for some illegal trafficker or traitor on the run? And when we finished getting our hands dirty we went and looked at the sea, without saying anything, each absorbed in our own thoughts, until one of the two walked away in silence towards a nearby bar or restaurant, each time a different one, and the other followed to be offered something. I think we tried all the places in Yokohama port together.