His last message ~Soukoku~

~4~ Memories from the past

Today I'm right at the port.

I wonder if you can imagine where I'm writing to you from?

It's not that hard to imagine, Chibi-chan. I can bet the last stock of bandages I bought just yesterday that you're sitting on the last bench, the bench at the bottom of the dam.

Our bench.

Yes, I'm actually sitting on the last bench of the dam, the one where we always went if Mori ordered us to organize some attack or incursion.

We would sit here, and start talking about the mission. After a while we ran out of arguments, and then we kept quiet, and observed the sea in silence.

I never told you, and I hope you will never know, but sometimes I liked looking at the sea from the reflection of your single uncovered eye.

Of course I knew, Chuuya-kun, who did you take me for?

Do you think I never noticed the glances you secretly gave me, before quickly returning to look at the horizon nonchalantly?

But I always sat with my left eye, the one free from the bandages, turned towards you, and you kept looking at me furtively.

Now I know what you were staring at so eagerly.

Ane-san has just returned from her latest undercover mission.

All she does is ask me if I've heard from you.

She sounds suspicious, but how can I know anything about you if you don't reply to messages?

Even though many had already done it here at Port Mafia, I decided to stop by your house.

It was very strange to see it empty, without that fucking rope tied in a noose and hanging from the beam in the living room; without your closet always full of bandages, disinfectant, gauze, and that only you and the gods know what else; without your towel, the one with the indelible blood stain, left there after a mission from which you had come out seriously injured and I was forced, exhausted too, to drag you to your house, wash you and treat you.

Gods, because of you I spent hours of my life sewing up your arms every time you tried to commit suicide by cutting the veins and arteries in your wrists, and bandaging your chest when you were involved in shootings.

Wherever you are, know that you will never find anyone else with my patience, Shitdazai!

Don't worry Chuuya, no one else has ever seen what I hide under the bandages except you and Mori-san. Then, you are the only one who, in the midst of blasphemies and insults, stitched up my cuts amidst my moans of pain, and blindfolded me with an unnatural delicacy. How on earth could I find someone else like you? Kunikida is not the kind of person who would do that, and even if he were, I wouldn't let him do it. No one at the Agency knows about my past and my scars, except the president and Ranpo-kun, thanks to his intuition I suppose.

Remember that old man who was with you the first time we met?

Hirotsu, or something?

Now he has become the leader of an important branch of the Port Mafia, with Gin and a certain Tachiara as army commanders.

They call themselves the "Black Lizard".

They have many men at their command, they are quickly bringing a large part of Yokohama to its knees.

You'd be proud of Gin I bet.

After all, you got her into the mafia along with his brother.

Exactly.

I was the one who ruined her life.

Akutagawa had asked me to let her live like a normal girl, but I wanted to have that brat under my thumb, and I started her too, then leaving her in Hirotsu-san's care. That's why you reserved a place for her as commander in your ranks. If it weren't for me, Gin-chan would now be living a peaceful existence, she would go to school normally like girls her age, she would have friends, a boyfriend maybe. And she gets her hands dirty every day by killing people innocent or not, responding to the orders of that asshole Mori-san, and probably regretting the day Akutagawa saved her from assassins and met me.

Dazai.

Why have you left me?

Oh, I think I drank too much.

You know, I never understood what you really thought of me.

Do you hate me Dazai?

Or...

~Authoress space~

Sorry, today's chapter is late, but the new will be definitely out in two days.

Yuki-chan