Needing Him (Him Series Book #3)

She pressed her lips to his neck.

He sucked in a sharp breath and breathed her name in a husky whisper. "Katie."

Shivers danced along her spine, and her heart raced. He smelled so good, his scent a tantalizing mixture of soap, mint, and leather. She'd never wanted to be this close to anyone. Her fingers swept over the cross around his neck, and a jolt shot through her, clearing some of the alcohol fog.

She'd had too much to drink. Way too much. What had she been thinking? Katie tried to concentrate, but it was impossible to hold on to sober thoughts.

The alcohol teased her blood and fueled her desire, creating an irresistible need. Never had she felt this hypersensitive. She was so tired of fighting her feelings for this man. She was in love with him, and she needed him more than air.

"Jase." Her hand slid up the hard muscles of his chest, feeling them quiver from her touch.

Suddenly, his big hand gently encircled her wrist stopping her wandering exploration of body, and his forehead dropped to hers. "We have to stop."

His voice was deeper than usual, husky. She sensed that stopping wasn't what he wanted at all. He whispered her name again. Katie blinked and gazed up at him hoping he didn't read the disappointment and hurt in her eyes.

"Why?" came her dazed reply.

"I'm sorry," he said with genuine regret. 

"I don't understand." Her voice was shaky.

He stepped back, raked a hand down his chiseled jaw, and propped his arms on the countertop behind him. "I care about you. A lot. Too much to sleep with you now."

"I-I wasn't expecting a commit—commitment." The words jumbled. Her gaze drifted to the kitchen window, unable to look at him for fear he'd see her shame and rejection.

"You should expect it." He sounded furious. His green gaze glittered. "I want to give you a commitment. I want to give you everything I have to give, and I want to do it for the rest of my life."

"You don't mean that! I'm tired of being alone. I need you now, Jase." Tears filled her eyes and she swiped at them. Why couldn't he love her? "You sleep with everyone else, but not me?"

"Katie," he breathed. One muscled arm lifted, and he gripped the back of his neck. "You're not alone. I'm here and I won't leave you."

The sting of rejection burned. "Wait, does this have something to do with you joining the church?"

"I accepted Jesus two months ago," he said softly, not rising to the bait. "I was baptized last weekend. You were there."

Pain rose within her. "I didn't realize... so you're not going to have sex again. Seriously?"

His piercing gaze locked on hers. "Not until I'm married."

"I can't believe they got to you." The words held an edge of despair. She thought of all their friends who had given their lives to Jesus, and she began to tremble. "You're the last person I thought would fall for that."

"We're all broken. We all need Jesus." The softly spoken but confident declaration pierced her heart like an arrow.

Of course, he thought she was broken. He knew her better than anyone. Was it pity she saw on his too-handsome face? How dare he feel sorry for her!

Jase pushed off the counter and stepped toward her, his boots closing the distance between them.

Her stomach dipped.

"You're my best friend Katie. I—" He reached for her, but she stepped back. "I love you."

"I love you too." Her voice cracked. "But you love Jesus more!" she cried brokenly, hating herself for hurting him. She knew how much Jesus meant to him.

He reached out, his hand sliding along her jaw and into her hair, cupping her face. Though his touch wasn't meant to be sensual, heat flickered to life within her.

His hot green gaze sizzled with emotion. "Don't. Please, I don't want it to end like this."

"Like what? With you rejecting me?" Tears shamelessly rolled down her cheeks.

"This doesn't have to end our friendship. I don't want that." His chiseled jaw tightened.

You deserve better, Katie. Don't let him push you around.

"Maybe I don't want to be your friend, Jase! I have friends. I thought we were more!" She desperately wanted to pull away from his touch, but it was impossible. "Did I misread things?" she asked in a small voice.

"No, you didn't. We are more. I've felt that way for some time." He pressed his lips to her forehead, and she let out a little gasp. "I want to keep seeing you."

"You just don't want to sleep with me." She lifted her chin, drowning with humiliation and pushing him away.

"That's not true, Fiddle. If only you knew, how much I want you." Her chest tightened at the special name he'd given to her because of her love for the violin.

Jase reached for her but pulled back his hand. "What I want and what I'm going to do are different things. You and me, we're more than this, Katie." He gestured between them. "Our relationship isn't about sex."

"What if I want it to be?" she blurted carelessly, hurt and confused.

His expression softened. "You've never slept with anyone. It changes everything."

"So does marriage!" she shot back, seeing him stiffen. "I'm sorry. I can't."

"Can't what, Fiddle? What are you saying?"

"I don't know! It's all too much for me." Tears blurred her vision, but she still saw his throat muscles work as he swallowed.

"I know you're hurting and it's killing me, but you don't want us to end." He stared at her with a wounded expression that tore at her heart. "Not after all we've been through."

Katie didn't want it to end, but she couldn't tell him that. "I don't think we can come back from this."

"Think about what you're saying." Reaching for her one last time, he tried to hug her, but she shoved his chest.

"It's over!" The powerful desire to launch herself into his arms and beg his forgiveness rose within her. But another darker impulse roared to life. Let him go. He's not for you. "Just go, Jase," she whispered brokenly.

He stood there, looking uncertain, and hope rose from the ashes in her heart. She wanted him to take her in his arms and tell her it was going to be ok more than she'd ever wanted anything.

Her eyes locked on his with an unspoken challenge. Katie held her breath.

Slowly, he lowered his head, turned, and walked away.