I'm sorry...for everything

[5]

Ray stood frozen in place, his mind reeling from the weight of Sand's confession. All the questions that had plagued him for weeks suddenly found their answers in those few simple words, leaving him speechless and overwhelmed.

Ray's heart ached at the revelation, a wave of empathy washing  over him mingled with a profound sadness for the pain Sand must have endured in silence. Memories flooded Ray's mind, transporting him back to that fateful day three years ago, when they had parted ways, where their future was uncertain and their hearts heavy with unspoken words.

"Since...since that day...when we...when I left?" Ray's voice quivered, choked with the weight of unresolved emotions as he passed the block of post-it notes back to Sand. Sand shook his head gently, his eyes filled with understanding, before setting to work once more, filling the page with a flurry of words.

This time, the message was longer, its contents bearing the weight of Sand's unspoken truths. With trembling hands, Ray read each word, the significance of Sand's struggles laid bare before him.

After you left, I struggled with speaking for a while, but with support from my mother and Nick, I managed to find my voice again. Sand's message began, each word carrying the weight of his unspoken trials. But then, out of nowhere, my mother's health suddenly worsened, and she had to spent weeks in the hospital. I wasn't allowed to see her, and nobody kept me informed about her condition. I was overwhelmed, stressed, and alone, I had to take over all the responsibilities that my mother could no longer manage.

Ray's heart constricted as he read on, absorbing the depth of Sand's pain. I began to isolate myself, pushing everyone away, and eventually, I stopped speaking altogether. The doctors diagnosed me with selective mutism, attributing it to the sudden stress and isolation I experienced. It was a long, arduous journey to regain my ability to speak, but even now, when I become overwhelmed, my voice falters. I can't fully explain it, but it's as if my voice escapes me when the weight of my emotions becomes too much to bear.

I taught myself sign language as a means of communication when words failed me, but it doesn't always work, as many people don't understand sign language. I hope this explains some of your questions, Ray.

Ray sat in stunned silence, his heart heavy with the weight of Sand's revelations. Each word of Sand's message painted a vivid picture of the pain and isolation he had endured in silence. The depth of Sand's struggle was palpable, leaving Ray grappling with a mix of sorrow, empathy, and regret.

In that moment, standing there with Sand's note clutched in his trembling hands, Ray felt a deep ache in his heart - a yearning to ease the burden of Sand's silence and to bridge the gap that had formed between them. And as Ray wrestled with his emotions, he knew that no matter the challenges that lay ahead, he would stand by Sand's side, offering his unwavering support and love.

With a heavy sigh, Ray looked up from the note, meeting Sand's gaze with a newfound understanding. "Sand." He began softly, his voice filled with a mixture of compassion and regret, "I had no idea...I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that alone."

Sand's eyes glistened with unshed tears, his expression a tumult of emotions as he reached out, his hand finding Ray's in a silent gesture of gratitude and acceptance.

"I hope my presence didn't cause you stress or make you uncomfortable, leading you to lose your ability to speak again. I'm really sorry if it did." Ray expressed, his sincerity evident in his tone. Sand's eyes widened in shock upon hearing Ray's self-blame, his heart aching at the sight of Ray taking on unnecessary guilt.

"No!" Sand exclaimed quietly, his voice trembling with emotion, his words barely above a whisper, causing Ray's eyes to widen in surprise. He gasped, but remained silent, allowing Sand to continue. "It's not...it's just...I..." Sand faltered, visibly struggling to articulate his words, his body trembling with the effort. Sand's discomfort was palpable. He avoided Ray's gaze and seemed lost in his own turmoil, until Ray gently squeezed their intertwined hands, urging the taller to meet his eyes once more.