Angelic || Adam x Lute

Lutes POV:

I walked over to where the spear had landed to pick it up again. As I touched it, I immediately shrieked away, the cold of the metal felt as if it was burning hot for a second. Funny how the mind can trick your senses.

After the incident with Adam, I just couldn't stop thinking of this one memory that still haunts me in my sleep, even if I wanted to forget it already. The face of the man, who assaulted me, I had long forgotten, but his touch... I still exactly know where his hands had laid on my body.

He only had the chance to do this to me because I wasn't careful enough at my first extermination, I thought demons would be scared of angels enough to not even try to hurt them in anyway, but he did. This fucking maniac still did it, even though he knew what was coming for him.

It was about two minutes before another exorcist heard my screams and finally killed him. Two minutes that this disgusting demon had time to unarm and touch me.

After that incident, Adam gifted me this new spear. As a 'fresh start' of some sorts, since the first one I had got was destroyed.

I need to remember that Adam wasn't the one who touched and hurt me like that. He would never. I know that. Of course I do.

Then why was I so scared? Why did my mind trick me to think he was hurting me? I'm just hurting myself more this way. Pushing him away rather than letting myself love him is stupid. Why the fuck is my brain doing this to me? I thought I got over that stupid little incident. It was only two minutes after all. Only two minutes, but still more than enough to make me remember them for the rest of my life.

I finally picked up the spear and examined it to make sure it didn't break or got a crack in it. The cold metal felt nice in the palm of my hands. Sort of calming in a weird way. But the shock of the imagined heat still lingered around in the back of my mind.

How was I gonna approach this? What if I can't let Adam ever touch me again because everytime he does I am reminded of that fucking demon.

Suddenly I thought of what the princess of hell had said, how the sinners should get a second chance and be redeemed. Because 'they can still change'.

Why would you want people who can do something like that in heaven? You can't just erase someone's entire past life, and their past choices, and make them a good person. That's not how it works. No matter how much a person changes, they still hurt someone else and made their life a living hell.

I don't want people like that in heaven. Heaven is supposed to be safe. This would make it the opposite. Just imagine a victim meeting their killer, in a space they thought was safe for them. Thinking about this makes me sick to my stomach.

The spear was laying heavy in my hands as I walked through the training room over to the wooden dummy's.

Those dirty demons should never even think of seeing the gates of heaven. Not even in their dreams.

I swung the spear above my head and aimed for the place where the heart of a person would be. The hard metal stabbed right through it and the wood chipped at the spot. I spun the spear as it was still stuck in the wood and then ripped it out again. Another dummy ruined, another demon killed and soul erased.

I will never forget what happened to me, will I?

My eyes landed on the massive golden cross that hung on one of the walls. It almost took up all the space and still shined even though there was no sunlight falling onto it.

Never will I let something like that happen. Never will I let the disgusting people who once hurt, killed, assaulted and maybe even worse, past the gates of heaven. Even if I can't help the people on earth, I will at least keep the victims safe in heaven and make sure that every sinner will be erased from the grounds of hell until there are none left.

"Lute."

The sudden noise made me scream as I turned around in shock. Only to see Adam stand on the other side of the training room, before the door.

"What the fuck, Adam."

I lowered the spear and then bent down to place it on the ground.

"Chill, Lute. It's just me."

I wasn't ready to talk with him yet. But this wasn't something I could just run from for the rest of time. He knew that something had happened back then, but he didn't know every detail since I tried to hide it and talk as little as possible about it, or better not talk about it at all. What if he thought of me as weak when he found out what actually happened? And how I let it affect me.

Adam opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but then quickly closed it again, he was looking down on the floor, I could basically see him thinking.

He looked back up at me and for a second we held eye contact. Adam took a few steps towards me as he spoke,

"I'm sorry, I thought you were okay with me kissing you, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or something. If that's the reason why you left."

I shook my head.

"No. I did agree. It's just... I was reminded of something for a second, I just needed space."

Adam was watching me carefully, as if he was scared I'm going to break down or something, as if he was ready to catch me if I fell.

"What happened back then?"

I couldn't even look him in the eyes, I knew what he meant but I just didn't want to relive the moment that I have been so eager to forget again.

"Nothing. It was nothing."

"Lute, I know that it wasn't nothing. What did he actually do to you?"

My eyes slowly looked up at him again. Our eyes met.

"I can't tell you." I felt the tears fill my eyes, and my voice shaking. Adam stepped closer until he was by my side.

"I just can't.. I'm sorry." The tears didn't stop coming.

"It's okay, hey, it's okay. You're safe. Stop crying you know I can't handle that shit."

Adam held open his arms, I slowly got closer to him until he could close his arms around me. His head was resting on top of mine, which rested on his chest, I could even hear his heart beating, it calmed me down a bit.

"You're safe."

I wish I could believe him.