Blessing or Curse ?

(I do not own any of the characters/ characters created by Ken Wakui)

Tw: Suicide, references of self harm and child abuse, references to substance abuse

Post Chapter 204

Sanzu holds Mikey close, taking in the overwhelming scent of iron. Crimson red staining Mikey's beautiful white hair.

It's not fair, why does Takemichi get to have Mikey in life and death? It should've been him! He's the one that should've died by Mikey's side. He's the one who's scarified everything for Mikey, loving Mikey during the good and bad. Instead of trying to change him he loved every part of him, his heart and soul, he would've traveled through the depths of hell for his beloved.

But Mikey chose to die with Takemichi rather than to live for Sanzu.

And it hurt. It hurt like hell.

Being proven time and time again that he is the second choice in everyone's heart. Takeomi, Senju, Baji and most evidently Mikey. Hell he can't even say he's Mikey's second choice, he's just the person Mikey kept around to fill the empty void Draken and Takemichi left.

Tears mixed with blood run down Sanzu's face as he buries himself in Mikey's hair trying to take in what's left of his sweet scent. He wants to scream, a part of him wants to curse Mikey for doing this to him, making him into this. A part of him wishes to go back in time and never have pulled Shinichiro out of that water. Maybe then he wouldn't have been the trigger and fallen under the curse.

Does Shinichiro not know he unintentionally cursed Sanzu too?

Having to watch three people he loved commit suicide. His brother's abuse, being framed and having his mouth ripped opened by whom he loved most, being abandoned by his best friends. Is that the price he has to pay for his sins? Maybe whatever god up there is laughing at his demise. Maybe he deserves this unhappiness. Miracles don't happen for people like him.

A Ugly, heartless, cold blooded murderer.

Sanzu squeezes his eyes shut tighter, the last time he felt this empty was when he took Mucho's life.

Mucho.

The only person who truly loved Sanzu for who he is. The person who picked him up when he was nothing but an empty vessel. Gave him a purpose in life and what did Sanzu do? Fuck that up like he does everything else.

A bitter laugh escapes Sanzu's chapped lips. He doesn't deserve to mourn, not when he killed Mucho with his own two hands.

He holds Mikey's cold lifeless body closer as the other executives run around the warehouse trying to locate the pink haired male. Sanzu doesn't want to continue living in this world without Mikey. A part of him wishes he never met him but a greater part loves him more than anything. He truly is nothing but an empty vessel for Mikey's desires.

Mikey is his monster, his drug. A terrible addiction that caused his demise but he can never seem to put this drug down. Being in Mikey's presence, being acknowledged by him was a high greater than any pill can provide.

So with that Sanzu takes his gun out of his holster and raises the cold piece of metal to his forehead. He thinks about Kokonoi and how he might be the only person who will be affected by this decision but Sanzu can't bring himself to care. Kokonoi still has Inupi somewhere in the world so he'll be okay.

He pulls the trigger and his final thoughts are of that day. The day where he met Mucho, the only person who ever truly cared about him. His one and only true friend.

Darkness.

Complete darkness surrounds Sanzu. Is this hell? Is he stuck in purgatory? Because there's no way someone like him would be allowed into heaven.