Actually, no

Angela gasped for air as the pressure against her face was released, her arms falling down from pressing the pillow so hard against her head.

"Fuck!"

Angela screamed the second she realized her body wasn't going to listen to her commands. If only her body wouldn't fight so much against her will. Her body wanted to live, but she didn't.

"I can't do one thing right," Angela cried on her bed, now hugging the pillow that was just about to end her life a few seconds ago. "Fucking cluster fuck! Fuck!"

The tears were still rolling down the side of her face, clenching her jaw and hugging her pillow, Angela was a mess. Her chest was aching, her throat was chocking up, her body was slightly shaking, her mind was spiraling. Why couldn't she just die?

Why was it so hard to take your own life? Why was it so difficult to take that one step that splits you between life and death? It was so easy to wish death upon oneself, but to execute it? That was another story. Whether it's with pills, razor, gun, water, height, it didn't matter. It took so much courage for a person to take that one step, that step towards ending it all.

What was Angela missing? Or rather had too much of?

Empaty, maybe?

Angela knew her death would impact her family whether she'd want it or not. It was inevitable. Though Angela believed she was nothing but a burden to them, she still knew they loved her, at least to a point where her death would still be shocking in a way. Her parents have done nothing but supported her her whole life. They paid for her entire education even though she failed, they even bought her a grand piano which was worth more than a car.

But besides financially, they stayed by her side through it all when she let them. They didn't give up on her the first year she almost failed her studies, they continued to support her. With an ultimatom, though, for which she tried as much as she could. Second year went by okay, but the third year she failed again. And despite the ultimatum of her finishing her studies smoothly, her parents stood by her. Angry and disappointed, but they still offered her help when she came back completely broken over the fact that she failed to succeed.

Her parents were perfect in so many ways. They supported her when she decided to study music, saying they want her to learn and do what she loved the most. They drove her to every concert she had. They bought her all the equipment she needed. They gave her money when she asked. They rarely said no, only when it wasn't important.

Don't parents like them deserve a child who excelled in their life? A child who is happy, who finished their studies, found a steady job and a good partner. A child who is nothing but great, rarely having any problems, no need in aiding them financially. A child who is nothing but a ray of sunshine of their life. Right?

A perfect child like her sister.

But sadly she wasn't her sister. She wasn't the child who was good and had good grades. She wasn't the child who needed almost nothing for her studies in a financial way because she could pay it herself. She wasn't a child who finished her school in first try and proceeded to do some internships. She wasn't the child who bought a house and moved out, now planning a happy family in the big renovated house. She wasn't the child who made sure her every task was done and had so many hobbies she bately could keep up, but excelled in each. She just wasn't that child.

How could she throw away everything their parents and even her sister put into her? All the effort, the love and the patience. But at the same time, all the love, the patience, the effort. It was all for nothing. Angela did not at all turn out how she was supposed to. She was a burden. Always have been, always will be. So much money and time put in her, and yet nothing, completely nothing came out, besides enormous amount of guilt.