No Escape | Suicidal Todoroki x Suicidal Bakugou

This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions/behaviors such as suicide, self-harm, eating disorders, abuse of any form, substance abuse, violence, murder, or homophobia.

Katsuki Bakugou

Todoroki shook his head. "I can't say. No matter how hard I try, I can't say it." He closed his eyes as his body began to shake. "I'm sorry. All I do is just...fuck everything up for you, don't I?" With a plaintive smile, he opened his eyes again. "Not even this could stop me from it."

"Stop hating and blaming yourself for everything, dammit," growled Bakugou, whose shadow engulfed Todoroki's pale, trembling figure. "Everyone's got their own barriers. It's fine if you're not able to say."

"Have you ever tried to hurt yourself because of her?" questioned Saiji.

It feels like you always ask this, but even if I wanted to admit it already, I'd never be able to. One part of me is always pissed at her and thinks all her bullshit is beyond unfair and shitty, and another part of me knows I don't even fucking have it nearly as bad as other people, so I have no right to be feeling like it's that bad.

Todoroki's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "Tenya told me something similar." The light in his eyes drained away like water washing down the drain.

I feel like there's something you're trying to convey, Bakugou realized while letting out a sigh. You can't say it, but you want it out there. Kind of like with poetry... You can't say it yourself, and you don't know how exactly to say or convey it, but you want it out there in some way.

"You always get this weird look whenever Glasses is brought up," Bakugou commented. "I know you said nothing happened between you two, but did something happen to you or to him specifically?"

Todoroki kept his gaze lowered. "Something like that. Maybe."

"Does it have anything to do with your eating habits?"

"Somewhat."

"What's he told you about that?"

Todoroki's limbs shifted beneath the white blanket covering him from chest to feet. "First...that I was heavy." His voice deteriorated into a burning flake of ash. "Then...that I wasn't eating enough. Now... Now..." He shook his head.

Bakugou sat in the chair beside Todoroki again and let out a long breath of air. That makes so much fucking sense. He lifted his head.

"So—"

"But...he didn't exactly tell me I was heavy. Just...heavier than expected. So, it's fine. I know he didn't mean it like that."

Bakugou nodded. "M'kay. So you unconsciously distorted his words to mean you were too heavy, and then you felt guilty because you knew he didn't mean it that way, but you couldn't help but view it that way?"

Todoroki gripped the blanket into his hand. "Kind of..." He bit his lip and parted his lips to speak, but after a few seconds, he pressed his lips together again for a while. "He's not to blame for any of it. It's all just me. It's all in my head. I'm overreacting. I know that, but..." He winced, pulling back his lips a bit as his eyes began to glisten. "He's never hurt me. All he's been is a wonderful partner. He's always been there for me. So, why..." Another broken, desolate smile twitched onto his lips. "Why can't he pick up on the only things I want him to? I know it's my fault, and he'd know if I just said something, but I... I just can't... The words won't come out." He focused his gaze on the wall.

Bakugou crossed his arms. "So, he isn't noticing your signals when you don't know how to say it otherwise, and those signals are the things that you actually give a damn about him knowing?" He observed how Todoroki's shoulders lifted a bit. "Do you feel like he should be able to pick up on them since he's the closest to you?"