??????? ?? ???| Eren Jaeger x fem Reader

Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ri-

"Yello."
"Annyung, Kim jin ee," Eren spoke, mouth full of poptart.
"Guten Tag, Eren Jaeger."
"You still free for practice today?"
"Nah dude, I've got church."
Eren sat up from his slouched position, man-spreading on the couch and brows furrowed. "You go to church?"
"Yeah, sometimes?"
"Since when did you go to church?"
"Since I fell in love with my lord and saviour, Jesus Christ?"
"...."
"....Since grandma started asking me to."
Eren re-slouched. "Ugh, man. You promised you'd help me out!"
"I know. I'm sorryy," Jinnie's voice was whiney as he spoke, "but grandma wants me to praise God with her, and I'm not gonna tell her no, am I?"
"Ugh." Eren pouted.
"Do you want me to tell her no?"
"No."
"Do you want me to break this poor sweet Korean lady's heart and tell her that her only grandson doesn't wanna follow her to the church, that she loves, because he wants to play devil music and do drugs?"
Eren giggled. "Shut up and go already."
Jinnie giggled with him. "Alright, man. I'll be free tomorrow, promise."
"You sure? I mean... do you have to go to synagogue too or..."
"Oh, wow, would you look at the time? I gotta head out."
"Take pictures."
"Bye, Eren."
"Bye." Eren grinned, hanging up.

He sighed, pouting that his day was going to go unused. He hated when that happened because Eren always had to psychologically prepare himself a day before he had to leave the house. What a waste of energy. Eren hung his neck over the cushions of the couch.
"Baaaaabe!" He called out.
"Yeah?!"
"Can you come here?!"
"Why?!"
"I want affection!"
"Ugh." Y/n soon trotted from the bedroom and down the stairs. She saw him dangling his head from the over the couch, his hair dangling with him.

"I heard that groan. Do you even love me anymore?" Eren asked with a pout.
Y/n walked round to sit beside him on the couch, and he pulled his head back up to face her.
"Of course I love you, my cute, moody, little puppy," she cooed as if she were talking to a baby and pinching his cheeks. He held her hands in place.
"Ow. Cringe. And I doubt it because you haven't kissed me in almost an hour, and I'm becoming touch starved."
Y/n giggled. "I thought I was meant to be the girlfriend in this relationship."
"Would you still love me if I was a worm?" Eren whined, eyes big and doey. Y/n laughed harder. "I'm like, half joking," Eren chuckled.
Y/n shifted closer to him and held his cheeks. "I'd pick you up and build a little terrarium and feed you fresh fruit until you became big and fat."
"You'd never leave me? You know... so I wouldn't get eaten by a bird or some shit?"
"I'd never let you out of my sight."
She kissed him, and he wrapped his arms around her. She moved onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. After they had their fill, they pulled away, a little breathless.

Eren grinned. "Keep kissing me like that, and you'll make me the happiest worm in the world."
"Rodger that."
Eren held her hips and smiled. "Mm. So. What dog am I?"
"Huh?"
"You called me a puppy two seconds ago, which was cringe and uncalled for. But I still wanna know what dog you were invisioning."
"Mm... like a pug?" Eren's face slowly morphed into a scowl. Y/n giggled, placing her hands on his shoulders. "What? You don't like pugs?"
"You know. I was gonna ask for us to hang out today. Maybe bang a little-"
"Nice, Eren. Classy."
"I-I'm sorry. Would you prefer coitus? Copulation?" Y/n rolled her eyes and laughed. "Well, it doesn't matter anymore, because, I think I've changed my mind."
She giggled, kissing his nose and wrapping her arms around his neck."I'm kidding. I was thinking... more dobermann."
"Copulation is back on the table."
"Good doggy." Y/n pet his head, rubbing his scalp.
Eren glared. "Watch it."
She lifted a brow, her hands softly working through his hair. "What? You want me to stop?"
Eren pushed his head against her gentle nails, closing his eyes. "...not... right now."

"Mhm," she giggled. "So, what did you wanna do today?"
"Besides the copulation?"
Y/n dropped her hand from his head. "Eren."
He pouted. "I dunno. Maybe..." The lack of substitutive ideas made him groan. "I don't know! I was gonna practice guitar with Jinnie, but he's abandoned me, so my plans are shot."
"Oh. Good to know I'm your second choice."
Eren tightened his grip around her, nuzzling her neck. "The most adorable second choice in the world." He lifted his head to look at her. She wasn't smiling. Pouting. Eren grinned nervously. "...can I rewind that? Lemmi just-" Eren grabbed her head with his hands and shook her lightly. "Reboot."
Y/n chuckled, wacking his hand away. "Get off. You're messing up my hair."