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Rhodey and Pepper thought that the entertainment would be over when Natasha and Tony finally went on their first date together.

Natasha had been the one to ask the genius out in the end and he'd spent a solid two hours choosing clothes.

They'd sent him off on his date and complained lightheartedly about the fact that they never got to see Rogers' head presented on a plate.

They revaluated that theory when Tony got back.

"Is that...blood?" Rhodey asked in concern, looking at his kind of dazed-looking little brother.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. It is," Tony confirmed, wandering over to the coffee machine.

"It's not yours is it?"

Tony gave him a funny look. "No, of course not."

"Then, uh, who's is it?"

"...Rogers."

"What?! After what that bastard did he had the nerve to bleed on your favourite suit?!"

"I know!" Tony cried out in equal outrage. "I don't blame Nat. She thought it would be romantic. Which it was. I should have worn something different to the date."

"What would be romantic?"

"Oh, she cut off... something. Important. That Rogers won't need anymore," Tony answered, sipping at his coffee.

Rhodey stared at him. "Explain, now."

"Well, we went to this abandoned warehouse-"

"Abandoned warehouse, for a date?"

"She's an assassin Rhodey. I'll have you know it's very romantic."

"Okay okay, continue."

"Anyway, we went to this abandoned warehouse. There was a table with candles set up and gourmet coffee. It was all very sweet."

Rhodey almost smiled. The fastest way to Tony's heart was through coffee.

"And Rogers was tied to an operating table."

"Wait, Nat kidnapped Rogers?" Rhodey asked.

"Stop interrupting Platypus. But yes, she did. It was very impressive."

Rhodey nodded in agreement. It was. And it was better than his fear that the cheating bastard had crashed Tony's first date after their disastrous relationship crashed and burned.

"He really wasn't happy to be there but Nat's very considerate. She already gagged him before I got there. That way she didn't disturb anyone with his screams."

The Colonel considered whether he'd need plausible deniability but dismissed the thought. He was best friends with Tony Stark. He had years of practice at lying his ass off to the authorities. Besides, Pepper wouldn't let either of them get tossed in jail.

Just because the rest of the world hadn't realised that she'd succeeded at world domination didn't mean that she hadn't done it.

Honestly, it was exhausting waiting for everyone to catch up.

He gestured for Tony to continue.

"Well, Nat wanted to do something special so she had this great meal set out. We ate and talked and even danced a bit. She's a great dancer you know. Then she went and got a scalpel."

Tony paused.

"She's really good with a scalpel you know. I should make her some more hidden blades."

He shook his head out of the inventing daze that was descending.

"Anyway, she then removed the head that Rogers has been thinking with lately and fed it to the alligator in the nearby zoo. Oh, we broke in there afterwards. That was very romantic too. We had ice cream."

Rhodey blinked at him.

"Nat cut off Rogers' dick?"

Tony nodded. "I think that's the assassin way of asking me to marry her," he whispered, excited.

"Is Rogers still alive?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Nat said that Bucky didn't get his chance for payback so she can't kill him yet."

"Makes sense," Rhodey mused.

"Apparently, Bucky's going to go all Winter Soldier on him and then ask Sam out. Isn't that romantic?"

"Do you think he'll let me watch?"

"I'm sure he will. Apparently Winter likes it when people watch."

"The beating Tony! Not the sex!"

"Oh, that too."