Y/N is a Gun-For-Hire. She doesn't take much joy in the profession, save some special cases. She has been sent to Pennsylvania for her newest job, given to her by an anonymous source.
The job?
Kill Charlie Dompler.
What she expected from the mission...
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As soon as the old critter was returned to the great indoors, she was just fine. Tapping away at her little games, drooling at the mouth.
Y/N and Charlie took a lunch break at the bar. By lunch I mean they ate the bar nuts.
Charlie meticulously sorted through the nuts, pulling out anything that didn't have a shell.
"You know those nuts probably have a crap ton of germs on them, right?" Y/N pointed out.
"I don't care, I'm hungry."
"You're going to get sick again and die this time."
Somebody cleared their throat. "I EAT THE PEANUTS AND NEVER ALLOW MY GERMS ON THEM." It was a tiny brown critter standing on top of the bar. He took a peanut and shoved it in his mouth, which comically reshaped his entire torso to the shape of the peanut.
Charlie pointed at the little guy. "See? Look at this guy. He--" The little guy regurgitated the peanut back out into the bowl. "--Oh, never mind."
Y/N gagged.
"I CLEAN THE PEANUTS AT THIS BAR. COMPLETELY SANITARY."
Charlie hid his face. "I-I ate that shit. I ate the nuts in that bowl."
"EAT SOME MORE. MY PEANUTS ARE THE BEST."
"I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I might actually... throw up. Right now."
Y/N placed her hand on Charlie's back. "Are you serious? Do you need me to get you a trash bag, or...?"
"I-I think I just gotta wait it out."
The little guy jumped up and down like a flea. "MY PEANUTS CURE DISEASES."
Y/N side-eyed the creature. "Which ones?"
"MORTALITY."
"That's--okay."
"9/11 WAS THE WORK OF HOLOGRAMS."
"Charlie let's leave, we should probably get you to the bathroom anyway."
Charlie nodded, quickly standing up. "Yup, yup, yeah, let's go. Where is the bathroom, anyway?"
Walking out of the bathroom, Charlie chuckled to himself, shaking out his hands. "You know, this kinda reminds me of my first date with my girlfriend."
Y/N's eyebrows rose in surprise. "You have a girlfriend?"
"Nah she got killed by a bulldozer."
"Oh."
"But when she was alive we'd go on dates, like... one does, of course, and our first date, we--we were at a bar, and she had some dude snot in her fries, and--"
