The Stars in our Skies | In progress

Mae 

The feeling of my chest burning as I watched Grayson, or Gray, talk to Katie West doesn't subdue. Even now as I lay in the back of an old Ford-F150 pick up truck that Kai's older brother handed down to him before running out of town. 

His body is pressed on top of me, his large frame engulfing nearly the entire back seat and as much as I used to enjoy this feeling, I'm nothing but numb now. He brings his mouth to mine, his kisses are hot and hurried, sliding from my mouth to my cheek and down to my neck. I cringe, fisting his shirt, trying to shut off my mind and the endless images that are burned there. I need Kai to clear my mind, to erase the pain and hurt.

I pull on his shirt, signaling for him to take it off. He laughs softly. "Eager girl, aren't you?"

I don't say anything, don't trust myself not to crumble and fall apart all over his floor. His midnight black head brushes against the roof of the car, his dark, blue eyes blown wide with lust. He licks his lips as he looks down at me, the white top I was wearing now discarded on his floor and leaving me in my black bra. He reaches behind his neck and pulls his shirt up. 

I try not to gape, not to ogle the man I am about to use for my own selfish reason. But that was why we did this, we both had demons that neither of us were brave enough to face. We found comfort in this, in our routine. It was safe. 

He comes back down on top of me, the warmth of his skin, soothing the chill that has settled in the truck. We parked tucked away off a small trail in the woods, blanketed by nothing but foliage and the few wild animals that strolled by. He's back to my mouth, urgently pressing his lips to mine, his breathing rough. 

He pulls back and gives me a grin, any other instance and I would have swooned, but right now I need more than that. His mouth finds the exposed skin above my bra. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the images of Grayson that have suddenly appeared. The worry in his eyes, the warmth in his voice, the way he was concerned about my lack of sleep. Jesus, was that all it took for me to be weak? Suddenly, I feel sick.

"Kai?" I try pushing against his chest, but he's back to my mouth, gnawing on my lip and trying to press for more.  "Kai," I saw firmly, pushing harder against his chest. 

"Please," he groans, breathes, then stills. "Shit, sorry."

He presses up and I use the little space to scramble back, pressing into the door on the other side as I lean my head back. I look at Kai, his brows furrowed in confusion. 

"What's wrong?" He asks, his voice gravely and deep and my stomach is sinking because this is what I wanted. My eyes sting with tears and I'm angrily wiping them away but, Kai is faster, his hands framing my face as he uses his thumbs to wipe the tears away. "Shit, Mae, did I hurt you?"

I give a watery laugh because no, he didn't hurt me. Quite the opposite actually. It's the kindest and most gently anyone has been to me in the past month and I'm filled deep with regret for making him come out here just to fall apart. 

"Hey, how about I take you out, I've missed you and didn't expect you to actually take me up on my offer." He slides his shirt back on and looks at me.

My face is on fire and I fully expect the Earth to open up and swallow me then and there. Anything to not live through this painfully embarrassing experience. 

Kai was one of the rare friends I managed to make and keep after attending Seaview High. He was kind, smart and a little bit sporty, but he was always a good time. We had fallen into each other after I was having a shouting match with someone from Katie's group. They were pissed I had torn down their posters asking for votes for prom queen. They called me names and spread rumors about going all the way with a bunch of random guys. It was humiliating to say the least.