riki.nishimura. → yours sincerely

hi, unfortunately because i have lost motivation to write AND the addition of my very busy schedule nowadays

i am going to end this fic here

i did have plans to finish up to chapter 50, but i have no ideas on how to drag the plot on

instead of leaving it unfinished, you will at least have an epilogue so it feels complete

im sorry for no updates and literally not touching this account

i will probably not update again, the fics that are ongoing will stay ongoing, the fics that have been finished, will stay finished

and the ones in my drafts will probably always stay in my drafts

thank you all for the love and support over this whole year, i have met some beautiful people solely from this app and i could not thank any of you more for sticking with me

thank you, take care of yourself and have a good new year

enjoy the epilogue

koifiished

→ A FEW MONTHS LATER

It had never worked out between me and Niki. I tried, tried my hardest to keep him with me, tried my utmost best to hold onto that rope that was slipping out of his hand.

He was career driven, he had goals and a future in music he foresaw.

I was academic driven, I only saw my grades and a good job in the future.

It was all sunshines and rainbows for the beginning of our relationship, but then he began spending more time in the studio, and then his attendance began dropping. And some days I would see him once a week, that would crush me more than anything.

I think he knew, he knew that he was pretty inactive in my life as a boyfriend, he knew that I had needs and he had to satisfy them. But he couldn't - or he had other priorities.

I saw the sparkle diminish from his eyes the night I told him we shouldn't be together no more.

He didn't believe me at first, began asking why, and stating that he'd give me the world once he'd get his music on track.

But I didn't want a promise for the future - I wanted a promise for now.

And he couldn't give me that.

It was kind of like putting my heart through a shredder the moment I walked out of the room. The silence was heavy, and both sides felt it.

Our relationship lasted a few months, and oftentimes I wondered whether it was better if we had stuck with this playful banter shit rather than trying to get something exclusive.

I suppose my head was too far up my ass to even think about that.

I was warned - after all - I always tell myself that.

But how could I be helped? He was a charming man, I recall fondly of memories between the two of us, there was something between us, and whether people liked it or not - they had to admit that.

Before Niki began disappearing more often into his studio with his friends, Sunghoon had wanted to speak to me.

I could already feel the topic of conversation in my bones, from the moment he first glanced at me, to the last time I saw him in person. I knew what he was about to say.

We were sat at a cafe, it was a rather enclosed place. Not so many people, a pretty grungy-dark interior, it's best to keep your volume at a whisper here, because everything would be heard.

He observed my face like he always does, a sullen yet proud expression substituted his usual lovestruck expression.

We both sat down opposite ends of the table, I let out a small sigh from my lips, and he returned my sigh himself.

I gazed at his face, his eyes printed to the floor, shifting ever so slightly back to the table and then eventually to my face. He swallowed hard, and I watched as his eyes searched for an answer in mine.

I had an answer he wouldn't like written on my face.

"Haeun." Sunghoon began, his lips parted as he took in another deep breath. His narrowly rounded eyes fixed onto mine, and now it seemed like the whole background blurred and I could only see him.

Did my heart yearn for the wrong man?

"Sunghoon." I tried to lighten the moment, ever so slightly. It worked, but only for so long until the tense, heavy cloud of awkwardness settled back over us.

His pink lips curved upwards slightly, finding some amusement in my words, but not many.

"How is it.. between.. y'know, you and Niki." I could tell that he wanted me to tell him bad news about the two of us, I knew he wanted to step in and be the man I could lean my head on instead.

But on this day, me and Niki were still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship. Silly me thought that it would be blissful, like this, for the rest of my life.

"It's good, how's everything with the band?" I asked back, trying to divert from the topic of relationships.

We spoke away from daunting main reason he asked me to meet him for initially, but something in him switched the moment he watched my face light up as soon as a text from Niki hit my phone.

I placed my phone back down, flat on the table and looked up at him, a small smile on my face as I recall the video he had sent me.

Sunghoon's gaze bored into mine, so intently, his jaw clenched in a pattern. It was silence for a good while, and then he went and broke the news.

"Haeun, I love you." Sunghoon gave an exasperated sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair and looked anywhere but my direction, "I think I have since the moment you transferred to our school."

I really did wish it was him instead, I wish that I was head over heels with Sunghoon. I wished that out of all the people in the world, my heart would just stop playing around and like this man.

But it didn't. I couldn't force myself as much as I tried.

He was attractive, he was a sweet-talker, he was everything anyone ever wanted. But I just didn't want him.

I didn't give an overly dramatic reaction - I knew about this anyways. Not because someone told me, but just instinct.

I leant my head gently on the palm of my hand, staring into his starry eyes. I give a weak smile, and look down at the table before back up into his hopeful yet hopeless eyes.

"I know Sunghoon, I know." My words were soft coming out, like a warm sweater on a cold day. And I suppose that brought him some solace.

With the look in his eyes, I could tell he wanted me to say I'd break things off with Niki for him, or say that I wanted him too and Niki was just a mistake.

But I never did, as previously stated, I was too infatuated with Niki, so into him that I would push away every man ever just for it to be him.

"I can't love you though." I swallow hard, and he looks down for a brief period of time, "Partially because of Niki, and mostly because my heart just doesn't want you Sunghoon."

I was almost definite that I heard his heart shatter into pieces, his eyes didn't change, his face didn't change, he just looked at me and listened.

And I think that was the worst part when rejecting someone who's like Sunghoon.

I didn't want to hurt him, but I did - unintentionally - anyways.

That was our last meeting. It was the last time I ever saw Sunghoon, he never showed up again, and I never got to apologise.

My last physical impression of Sunghoon was one of heartbreak, his face was nothing but a face of heartbreak.

The days after mine and Niki's break up, I cursed myself for not wanting Sunghoon. I cursed myself all day long for choosing the boy known for being so distant and so different.

I cursed at my own heart - because why did you not yearn for someone who could promise you things now, and not later.