Restarting After 730 Days

Akira looked up in surprise as you threw her door open. You were a little early, but you needed to see her this morning. Especially with your thoughts running circles in your mind all week. Your last movie night had made everyday life quite difficult for you as you couldn't get your almost kiss out of your head.

"I'm sorry about ditching last week," you started, giving Akira zero prep time as you delved into what's been bothering you. "But you were right, okay? I did like him when we were younger. It was one of the reasons I didn't show up last week, because I couldn't bring myself to tell you how I felt about him. And I thought that it didn't matter, that it wasn't a problem. But last week, we were hanging out and we had some drinks and I really wanted to kiss him. I don't even know where it came from. One second, there's a movie and food and drinks. Next second, he's a foot in front of me on the couch and I'm leaning in, eyes closed ready to press my lips to his."

Akira put her hands up, "Wait. Wait a second. Who are we talking about?"

You stopped your ever going confession and looked at her. With a flushed face, due to the rambling and not rethinking about a possible kiss, you plopped down on the couch in front of her. Sucking in a breath, you centered yourself as best you could.

"Katsuki Bakugou," you mumbled, your eyes drifting away from hers.

She nodded, flipping to a clean page in her notebook. "You were saying that you liked him? As in past tense?"

The realization of what you had admitted began to settle in. "Uh huh," your eyes strayed around the room. "Like back in middle school and early high school."

"And you almost kissed the other day?" She asked, looking up to see you nod your head yes. "How did that come about?"

"We were watching a movie. Had dinner... we had some wine. Or I guess I had wine; he was drinking something else. And I don't know. We were joking about something and he was just right there. I didn't really think about it, all I knew was that I wanted to know what it would be like."

"And?" She wrote a few notes down before glancing up at you.

"And I just couldn't do it," you sigh, slouching into your chair.

"Can I ask if you're more upset that it didn't happen or that it was going to happen?"

You didn't want to look at her. She was the last person to judge you, but this whole ordeal felt like far too much.

"Um," overthinking was an understatement. You had spent hours going over what had happened last week. What compelled you to even consider leaning towards him like that? Was it all just the alcohol? Or something else? You couldn't wrap your mind around what had happened much less why it happened. "I don't know. I just really felt like kissing someone or maybe I thought that's what I wanted?"

You were the most confused in the room about this situation and you were the one who participated.

"Do you think this would have happened if you'd been with anyone else?"

You truly processed what she was asking. Would you have tried to kiss anyone? It's possible. But you weren't close enough to anyone else to get in that kind of situation to know for sure. Shaking your head, you couldn't possibly imagine attempting that with anyone else, "No, I don't think there's anyone I'm comfortable enough with to do that."

"You said that you liked him in high school. Had anything like this ever happened before?"

Shifting, you were beginning to regret how forward you'd been when you walked in. "Yes," you spoke slowly, trying to pick your words carefully. "We kissed once before, but nothing ever came of it. And then I started dating my husband and... well, yeah."