Searching Lucas

Colorado officials have identified a female suspect under the name of Jessica Jones involved in the kidnapping of Lucas Jones in Charlotte, North Carolina. Numerous sightings report the suspect moving through various states in an unidentified vehicle and accompanied by another potential suspect. A possible alias in the involvement of this heinous crime..."

It's been two hours since we left the desert. Two hours of Nate driving non-stop below the speed limit—two hours of Jess etching out the map with arched eyebrows. Whenever the announcer on the radio spoke, we kept quiet and listened respectfully.

"...interstate officials have been patrolling since the disappearance, believing the suspect to be more likely to exit through the border of Mexico or Canada. Airline officials are also on alert for any suspicious activity..."

We kept driving on the lone road through the Colorado woods. A few cars passed us by. And I feared one of them would be a cop car, the one who would finally pull us over, derailing our trajectory and defeating the purpose of this entire trip.

"...Lucas's adoptive mother, Sylvia Bernadette, has shared her statement with the press. 'I knew that girl was up to no good. Please, I'm begging you. Bring Lucas back and give yourself to the police. It'll make things easier for you in the long run.'"

Nate reached an arm towards the knob, switching the station back to some local country music. Nate had lowered the volume to render it as background noise. Jess pressed the map onto the dashboard. Red lines barraged the routes like webs, crossing from within each other in a garbled mess only Jess would know.

"Jess?" Nate called out.

"Hold on!" She started at the map long and hard. "There'll be cops swarming the borders, that's for sure."

"So what's the plan?"

There was a brief silence before Jess lifted her gaze towards Nate. "We stay on the main road for now."

"We're putting ourselves at risk if we do that."

"So are we by going to the interstate."

From the dining table, I saw Nate's eyes from the rearview mirror bouncing from Jess to the road. "Can you find a stopping point, at least?"

Jess thought about it. "Las Vegas is all I'm thinking of."

"That's like a day and a half away."

"If you want me to drive,"

Nate must have heard Jess's uncertainty as he shook his head. "Think I've rested long enough. I can manage."

"Don't push it, Nate," Jess warned. "If you see a chance to make a stop, do it."

"I'll consider the offer,"

***

Nate drove for sixteen hours straight. We stopped in Utah, where the lengthy, skinny trees and their branches stood creepily, creating a haunting atmosphere during the night. We could have gotten here quicker if Nate had not taken alternative routes to avoid traffic jams. What matters is that we were safe—for now.

We ended at a nearby lake where the fireflies glowed above the water's reflection, making it seem like the stars fell from the sky. The moon shone onto the meadows, cedar trees, and rocky mountain tops, which secluded this place from the rest of the population. Even the air coursing through my lungs had that crisp aftertaste. Even though it was still hot, it wasn't as arid as the desert.

Nate fell flat on the bed, already fast asleep. Jess sat by the lake while I attempted to catch a firefly. I couldn't brush away what Jess thought about me.

"Dying doesn't scare me anymore. It's Lucas."

For a while, Jess had always looked at me with sad eyes. A certain pitifulness with the desire for me to grow up quickly, even though Jess would prefer I enjoy my teenage years for as long as possible.

I walked back to her with that thought. Jess smiled. It wasn't a sad one this time.

"Look, Jess!" I lifted my cupped hands. "I finally caught one on my own." Jess craned her head to see the faint glow from the firefly fluttering weakly.

"You finally did it," She marveled. "Oh, it's beautiful,"

I opened my hands as we watched the firefly quiver back with the other fireflies in one starry cloud.

Then Jess pulled my left hand slightly. "Sit with me, Lucas."

I did what Jess ordered and sat beside her. She then hugged me all of a sudden. Like the way our Mom did, it felt safe and eased all my worries away. I hugged her back.

I did because I didn't know if this would be our last embrace.

When she released me, Jess smiled again with misty eyes. "I'm sorry I wasn't there sooner in your stages of life. I'm the one who should've stayed with Michael and not you. You were the one who had to board the bus and explore the world and see what it has to offer. Promise you'll do that."

I stared at Jess deadpan. "You're not going to be OK, are you Jess?"

Jess shook her head. "No, Lucas. I'm dying."

"I don't want you to die, Jess. I want you to stay with me."

"I want to stay with you too, kiddo." She patted a hand on my head, ruffling my hair, keeping a level of playfulness, probably to keep herself from crying.

A lone tear escaped from her eye. It pained me to see Jess like this, but what else could she do?

Jess brushed away her tears in one motion. "Don't cry, Jess. Look, I'm fine, see? I'll become big and strong like you want me to be. I won't be weak anymore. I want to be brave like you! I'm going to make you proud one day, Jess. You'll see. So, please."

Growing up comes with a new perception of the world. You don't see people the way you once did as a kid.

Suddenly, it stopped mattering whether Lee Haven's parents dropped him off at school in a 97' LandRover or if Jimmy Cooper received a one-hundred-dollar check for competing in the math Olympics. The chubby kid you've fought with over the last JELL-O plate, the pretty girl with the sudden box braids who rose through the social ladder, the class clown who finally pulled off the fire alarm—those memories become just that: memories—stories to tell to the children, nieces—and even parents.

It seemed years since I had left those slow hours hunched on a desk, half-asleep through a lecture, counting the minutes until I got to Sylvia's apartment, only to count the hours more. All this time, I've been waiting for a chance—an excuse to get out of that routine and find something meaningful. To find purpose in the things that matter. Do what Jess did when she chose to get me out of that environment into a new home.

Jess pulled me in for another hug, this time between sobs and chuckles, making me teary-eyed, hoping these times I'd spent with her didn't have to come to an end.

"But I am proud of you, Lucas." She took a rising, steady breath, calming herself into the nurturing, caring, loving Jess I will remember for years. "My baby brother."