Fated Encounter

It had been three weeks since Nick had agreed to a friends with benefits arrangement with Charlie. He was like a drug Nick couldn't get enough of and the pain afterwards was stripped away the second he was intimate with him again.

He was addicted and losing himself. Every time he was alone with Charlie he knew they'd end up having sex and he knew how he'd feel after but he couldn't stop himself. Sex with Charlie was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. It was so passionate, they craved each other but he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep doing this to himself.

Nick was on the train heading to Rochester. He needed to talk to his mum about this, he needed the safe space she provided to be able to express how he really felt.

He let himself in and as soon as he saw her he hugged her and burst into tears.
"Nicky darling what's wrong?" Sarah soothed.
"I need to talk to you about something."
"Of course sweetheart. Come on I've just boiled the kettle." She said softly as she let go of him and they both headed into the kitchen.

Nick sat at the kitchen table and as Sarah brought over their tea he was suddenly transported back ten years to when he was sixteen and he told her he was bisexual. That was the most nervous he'd ever been, until now.

Nick and Sarah had a very open relationship but he still struggled talking to her about sex, especially casual sex that he couldn't stop having with a man he was desperately in love with.
"What's wrong my love?" She said gently, sitting down at the table.
"Erm... So..." He had no idea what to say but decided it was best to just start from the beginning and let it all come out. "about three months ago, I met Charlie on a night out and we... Went home together... Well I thought we had a connection but he just left in the morning before I woke up..." He paused and looked at Sarah who was listening tentatively so he continued.

"Two months later we bumped into each other again because Tara and his friend Elle became friends. Charlie apologised to me for leaving in the morning and said he'd like to be friends then we got drunk and ended up in bed together again." The more he spoke the redder he could feel himself becoming. Discussing his sexual antics with his mum was making him very uncomfortable but he pushed through because he desperately needed her advice.

"Then about two weeks after that I went round his to hang out and it happened again but this time we were sober... I agreed to a friends with benefits arrangement which is what we've been doing for the last three weeks but I'm so in love with him and it hurts but I can't stop." He started crying again and she stood up to hug him.

"Oh Nicky." She said softly and stroked his hair. "Does Charlie know how you feel?"
"No, I can't tell him. I don't want to lose him. He's so amazing." He said quietly.
"Maybe he feels the same sweetheart." She said, sitting back down now that Nick was calmer.
"I don't know, I think he's scared to get too close but I don't know why."
"You really need to talk to him darling. You can't keep doing this to yourself."
"I can't." he whispered.
"Why not?" She asked and Nick took a deep breath.
"Because then he might stop wanting to sleep with me." He said quietly, his voice shaking.

Sarah looked at him sympathetically and reached out to hold his hand.
"Sweetheart it's obvious this is destroying you. No sex is worth that darling. If you talk to him and he doesn't feel the same it'll hurt but then you can get over him but by doing what you're doing, you're torturing yourself and it's not going to get any better unless you tell him how you feel."
"Okay." He whispered.
"Promise me you'll talk to him."
"Yeah." He said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

Nick felt sick. She knew his mum was right and he had to talk to Charlie but he was so scared of losing him.

🍂🍂🍂

Charlie: is Tao home? x

Elle: no he's at work, why? x

Charlie: I need to talk to you x

Elle: are you okay? x

Charlie: I'll come over x

Elle: what's happened? x

Elle: Charlie? x

Charlie walked quickly to Tao and Elle's. He couldn't deny how he felt about Nick anymore and it was terrifying him. The last three weeks had been amazing and he had lost count of the amount of times they'd had sex. Some days it was multiple times.

He tried his best to keep it casual but every time he felt himself growing closer to Nick but at the same time wanting to push him away which he couldn't do.

He avoided cuddling Nick after sex because he knew if he did he'd start falling for him which would result in either him or Nick getting hurt and he needed to avoid that.

"Are you okay?" Elle asked, hugging him when she opened the door.
"Erm, I don't know." He said shakily.
"Are you hurt?" She asked, letting go and looking at his arms.
"What? No nothing like that. I haven't done that for years."
"Charlie you're scaring me."
"Let's go and sit down."

They walk through to the living room and they sit down on the sofa. Charlie suddenly felt unsure he even know what he wanted to say. It all felt so jumbled up in his brain.
"You know Nick..." He said quietly.
"Yeah?" She asked suspiciously.
"Well... We've been sleeping together... Casually, and it's been amazing but every time I feel myself getting closer to him and honestly it's terrifying me..." He spoke quickly, looking at his hands in his lap and nervously fiddling with the seam of his jeans.
"Okay..." Elle said slowly.
"I'm trying to stop myself falling for him because it'll just end in one of us getting hurt and I don't want that and I want to push him away but I can't and I don't even knows how he feels about all of this because I can't talk to him about it because..." Charlie was rambling, talking faster and faster until Elle cut him off.

"Charlie he's in love with you." She blurted out and Charlie stared at her with wide eyes, forgetting how to breathe for a second.
"He's... He's what? How do you know?"
"Tara told me. Charlie I don't want to make you feel bad but he's been so upset about this whole thing. Tara said she's never seen him like this. He doesn't want to tell you because he doesn't want to push you away."

Charlie felt like he was about to pass out. This whole time he'd been hurting Nick which was the one thing he didn't want to do.

He couldn't speak, he didn't know what to say. He felt completely numb. This beautiful, lovely man had come into his life only to be hurt by his messed up brain.

"Charlie?" Elle softly.
"I've... Hurt him..." Charlie whispered.
"But you didn't know how he felt." She said gently.
"I have to go." He said, getting up and dashing for the door.
"Charlie, wait..." She called after him but Charlie had gone.