Idol (Selection Project rewrite/inspired story)

It was just minutes away from the start of the performance. My hands were shaking, my breathing ragged. My heart was just about to beat out of my chest. After all my years of acting, I never imagined that I would feel nervous being in front of a camera ever again. And yet, here I was, trembling as much as I did on my first day. It must have been because of all those years after I quit; I lost the resistance to stage fright that I had built up.

Just as I was about to lose myself, Shiori came in to check up on me. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Y—yeah, I'll be fine. It's just the nerves."

She grabbed hold of both my hands. Since my hands were freezing cold, hers felt especially warm in comparison. "Remember, when we're out there, you don't need to worry about a thing. Just do your best, okay?" She looked into my eyes and smiled. Though I wasn't as nervous anymore, incessant thoughts still continued to surge inside my head. I felt ashamed for relying on her like this, especially after what I had done. More than anything, something bothered me with the way she phrased her words. It was as if she was willing to give up on this round if it meant helping me. Her kindness almost felt too cruel.

"When I apologized to you a few days ago, I said that I'd do anything to make it up to you. I still mean that. I'm not giving up here. No matter what, I'll help you make your dream come true, I swear!"

She was taken aback by what I said for a moment, but then she smiled. "Thank you." And with that, we got onto the stage.

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The studio looked a lot bigger from atop the stage. The only time I had been here before was on the first day, and back then I only looked down at the stage from the back of the room. Now I was the one standing on the stage, looking up at the empty seats, gradually increasing in elevation with each row, which made the room look even more spacious than before. The only occupied seats were high up near the back of the room. The other girls were sitting in the middle seats of the back two rows.

Looking up at them, I couldn't help but start thinking to myself. "After all is said and done, do I really deserve to make it to the next round, at the expense of one of them? No, I can't be second guessing myself already. I just made the promise to Shiori, so there's no backing down now. The only thing I can do now is to perform like never before."

The music began playing, cutting off my thoughts, and our performance was underway. For the first few seconds of the song, Shiori took the lead. Standing there, getting ready for my part, my heart started racing. As a result, my movements were sluggish and my voice was restrained; my performance was nowhere near the level during our rehearsal. Shiori's eyes darted to me for a quick second. Undoubtedly, she was checking up on me to see what was wrong. Even here on stage, she was still concerned about me, and I was still holding her back.

More. I had to be more. As I danced and sung, I tried to push more out of myself, but it was no use. I felt like I had hit a brick wall. My mind itself was the wall. With every movement and word, I was painfully aware of how lacking I was. Shiori's performance was perfect; it hurt to see us side by side. I was falling further and further behind, with no hope of catching up.

The song hit it's first interlude. In the brief moment I had, I tried to compose myself and shake off the negative thoughts. Even if the situation was beginning to look bad, I had to give it my all. I couldn't just give up. I had to be more. I had to be more, like—

Like her. Shiori was perfect; a step towards her would be a step in the right direction. That was what I told myself. And so I gave myself another push, this time towards her. The interlude was over, and Shiori took the lead again. This time, she stepped in front of me—a deliberate action to take the audience's attention off of me and any potential mistakes I made.

Instead of taking the out, however, I moved forward. It probably wasn't what she intended, but I could feel myself calming down. I was getting used to the situation. I dug deeper into myself, trying to draw out anything and everything that could improve my performance. Anger, frustration, guilt, fear—I poured all of that into my voice, and all of a sudden I could feel my singing shift. Once again, Shiori's eyes flitted to look at me, but this time it was out of shock. In a turn of events that surprised even myself, I let out a line so heart-wrenching and full of emotion that I could hardly believe it just came out of my mouth.

I thought back to the days when I was still acting. It always hurt to act. I had to be more than myself, pretend like I was someone I wasn't. I felt like I was being told that I wasn't enough. This was especially true when I was much younger. Maybe that's why I quit. But just then, I understood. It's not that I wasn't enough; it's that I could still be more. For Shiori and myself, I wanted to be more.

And then I found it—the version of myself I had always wanted to be. In that moment, I no longer felt like myself. I was in a trance, brimming with a confidence I had never felt before. Every aspect of the song flowing through me as naturally as I breathed, as if I had been born to do nothing but this. It was such an amazing rush; I felt like I could do anything I set my mind to, like I could take on the whole world and win, and all of a sudden the idea of coming out on top this round didn't seem too far off.

There was a moment during the song where Shiori and I looked at each other. Looking into her eyes, I saw a softness in them, but also a distinct edge. Pride and determination. I knew that she was having a similar experience as well. We were joined as one, all of our frustrations and hardships culminating into this one moment. I realized that it was only because of her that I could feel this way. This feeling of freedom and ecstasy was something I couldn't have hoped to come up with myself. So long as the two of us were together, I felt unstoppable.

The two of us burst into action for the song's climatic finale. Never before had something felt so effortless to me. We were in perfect sync with each other, so we barely had to think about what we were doing at all. I felt so free and weightless, more so than ever before. I was so giddy and hyped up on excitement that I almost laughed out loud, but I held it back and put on a smile instead. I realized that it was the first time I had ever genuinely smiled while performing in front of an audience.

Just then, I thought to myself, I never want this moment to end. I couldn't thank her enough.