Reading Between (the line)

Scene 25

She didn't like me, so she treated me like I was one pathetic and desperate person, craving her attention. She broke me. And when I finally woke up from my delusions and was finally healing, she came back and confessed as if my world hadn't shattered when she rejected me? As if what I felt was insignificant, and that since she felt the same, I should be merry and accept her with open arms?

No way! I can't accept that. I won't accept that!

"Praewa?"

P'Mai's gentle voice brought me back from my wandering thoughts. I swallowed, trying to bring out the words to answer her.

"I..."

I don't know what to tell her. This is the first time she had brought up this topic with me. I am not prepared.

Suddenly, Noon's words from the farewell event echoed inside my head. They had caused an uproar, and I had even thought it would ruin our team-up, but instead, we received more support from fans and even non-fans.

This surge of support was supposed to make me happy, but for some reason, it didn't. Her words, and the message along with them—I received it.

And so did P'Mai. P'Noon was telling us both to go public, assuring us that she had taken care of everything to ensure we wouldn't receive any hate for it. That is why P'Mai is asking me this question now.

I turned to her and looked at her. She was pretty, kind, and always took care of me. However, I knew deep down that she was someone I couldn't see in that light.

She didn't deserve someone like me—someone messy, broken, unsure, and incomplete. What she deserves is someone better. Someone who is as sincere as her. Someone that can and will reciprocate her affection and efforts.

And that someone is not me.

I gave her a genuine yet mellow smile. "I am so sorry, P'Mai..."

---

With heavy steps, I made my way toward our rehearsal room. Though P'Mai had left earlier with a smile full of understanding, I couldn't help but still feel guilty. And it was no use convincing myself that I had committed no wrong either.

I was fully aware that agreeing to her idea of pretending to be lovers would give her a flicker of hope. But I turned a blind eye to it, only thinking about my own feelings.

The very exact same thing that Noon did to me. How am I different from her, then?

I let out a sigh.

"Praewa!"

I took a step back in surprise when Pin welcomed me after pushing the door open. Behind her were the other girls, who looked gloomy for some reason.

"Girls? Why? What's wrong? What happened?" I quickly asked them, worried.

The girls exchanged looks first, as if pushing each other to be the one to share whatever the news was. Then, suddenly, P'Anda slowly walked closer to me, pulling Pin behind her. Upon closer look, I noticed that her eyes were swollen, as if she had spent the night crying.

"P'Anda? What's going on? You guys are making me nervous," I asked her, feeling my heart pound. I tried to think of anything while I waited for P'Anda's answer.

Our mid-year comeback preparation was going well, the recent romantic drama series with P'Noon had been a success, and our brand promotion offers were also coming in steadily. No matter how much I tried to find something that could cause their current expressions, I couldn't seem to.

Just as P'Anda opened her mouth to answer me, a conversation between two passing employees in the hallway caught my attention. My brows furrowed. Did I hear them right?

I looked back at P'Anda and the girls to find an answer. Jenny, Som, Bua, and Lookkaew were already wiping their tears. Pin and Atom were looking away from me. Devi and Scene were holding each other, and in tears already as well.

My eyes landed back to P'Anda and saw her clenching her teeth as she looked up, trying to stop her tears.

"Praewa..."

Pammu called my name. She was already sobbing, and I couldn't help but become teary-eyed as well. "Pam... d-did you hear what those people said? They said that—that... Was that true?" I asked slowly, perhaps hoping for her to deny it.

She reached for my hand and held it tight. While suppressing her sobs, she nodded slowly. My knees weakened. "Y-yes, Praewa. It's true. Ms. Pram just came to tell us minutes ago," she confirmed.

I shook my head. "No," I tried to deny. But P'Anda spoke and confirmed it once more.

I dropped to the floor, a whirlwind of thoughts spinning inside my head. Why? Why did she leave? Isn't this her dream? So, why give it up?

Was it because of me? Did I hurt her that much?

No...

The question should be, why am I asking all of this? And what is this— this hollow feeling inside of me. Did I just lose something big?