Myocardium

As I sit there in silence while Rafael is packing up, my mind unwillingly begins wandering.

Everything I've tried forgetting comes right back to me with crushing speed and detrimental force. 

The anger. 

The pain. 

The utter terror. 

My jaw clenches and my every muscle tenses when my thoughts shift to Ben, silent tears dwell in my eyes. I'm lucky the hood over my head gives me at least a bit of coverage to hide my emotions. 

Yes, maybe Rafael can help me with my physical wounds, but he won't be able to soothe the burns left on my soul, so what exactly is the point of showing him how I truly feel?

"Does it hurt a lot?" Rafael asks me quietly as he seems to catch onto my sudden reticence, but I shake my head and attempt to get up once I notice how Rafael is about to be ready to leave.

Physically, I'm feeling rather okay, although the light-headedness lingers. I'm in luck that Ben didn't seem to have slit an artery, which is why the blood loss, despite creating a horrendous crime scene, will not kill me. 

While trying to breathe calmly as my chest tightens in fear, I walk over to the sink and wash my hands thoroughly to get the very last bit of blood off them. 

I just want to forget. 

Everything. 

When I turn around again, Rafael's back is facing me as I catch him reading something on a packet of pills. In a shaky, horrified voice, I dare to speak up, drawing in his full attention,
"I really thought they were going to kill me."

Saying those words makes it even more difficult to take proper, deep breaths as more and more tears leave my eyes. 

Rafael turns to face me in a slow, steady motion.

His expression shows empathy, worry and anger. Since I don't know how else to progress from here on, I walk over to him and tightly wrap my right arm around his chest as I push my face close to his ribcage. 

I just want to feel safe again. 

Everything around me smells like him, the scent comforts me a lot. 

In a way, it makes me feel protected from every side. Gently, he slings his arms around my shoulders and pulls me even closer to him, whispering in a low voice,
"Shh, it's okay, I'm right here. Elijah, you really need to talk to someone."

"I can't. Who would believe me? There were three of them, of course they'll cover for each other and twist the story in a way that makes me the culprit," I explain and sob in pain. 

Not physical pain. The hurt I feel is purely emotional this time, and it's even worse than any other pain. 

"Eli, everyone is going to believe you. You have physical evidence. You got seriously injured, this isn't something to mess around with. Who knows what else they'll threaten you with if we don't put an end to this quickly?" Raf responds and gently pushes my head closer to his chest to comfort me. 

The fact that he uses the word 'we' when he talks about defeating these cruel people gives me hope. 

With him, it feels like I'm not entirely by myself for once.

"No, they're not. Raf, nobody is going to believe me. They used a scalpel, not some of their belongings or something someone other than I would steal and use. Hell, let another doctor check on me, they'll just assume I did this to myself and deem me clinically insane," I sob and breathe in his scent deeply to calm myself down a bit.