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I wait for him to ask his question, but he reaches out and tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear first. When he sits back, he hesitates, sucks in a breath, and asks in a low voice, "What happens to you once your mission tours are over? What then?"

His question is not what I had expected. I honestly thought he was going to use it to ask about whatever this is between the two of us. My hands find the end of my braid and fiddle with it to stall for time. In the end, there's not much to say, "Honestly, I haven't thought about it."

Ryan nods slowly, gently tugs on one of the hands on my braid, and laces his fingers through mine, "Why?"

My body stiffens. I stare down at our joined hands and try to put my thoughts together. Of all the questions that have been thrown at me this week, this one might be the toughest. "I want to destroy all of the implants. I guess I just thought..."

"That you'd die in the process." His thumb starts tracing patterns on my inner wrist. It makes shivers run down my spine. He doesn't sound angry, just matter of fact, sad even.

"I've worked so hard to make sure I'll be allowed to join up because I want to get into facilities and disrupt things from the inside. I want to do the most damage I possibly can."

He pulls me close to him and wraps an arm around me, "No one has ever walked out of one of their strongholds, SS, but there's a first time for everything. So, let's say your dreams come true, you take out all of the implants, and you survive. What next?"

I'm not sure why he's pushing me on this. He's making me think about possibilities that most likely won't happen for me. I tilt my head up and see that he's already staring down at me intently. "I'd like to see the ocean."

"And after that?"

"Ryan, what does it matter?"

Upon hearing me say his name, his eyes darken, and his other hand comes up to trace a finger across my jaw, "Let's just say I have a vested interest in your future."

I snort before I can stop myself and grin up at him, "Really? And why is that?"

"I think you know why, Samantha." He leans down and places a soft kiss on my temple. It feels so good that I snuggle deeper into his side.

"Tell me anyway. You said you would." If I'm ever going to make sense of this situation between us, I need to hear it from him.

His chest rises and falls against my cheek before he starts to speak, "The first time I saw you, I was eight years old. You were being dropped off to the education program by your parents. Your brothers were there for it too, but it was clear everyone was together that day for you. It was the first time I had seen anyone with a family that was actually intact. I was alone in the world, and I was suddenly so angry that you had so much when so many of us had so little. Being the idiot I was, armed with the vocabulary of a child, I coined the name Scrawny Sammy that very day."

"And you tormented me with it until you aged up three years later." I mutter.

"Yeah, and it took three years after that until I saw you again. I had heard about what happened to your parents, but seeing your brothers drop you off, watching the three of you hug before walking separate ways, knowing the extent of your loss, it made me feel so guilty about what I'd done to you.

Let's just say fourteen year old me had a lot of regret where you were concerned. Before you say it, I know I was still an ass to you, but I didn't know how to fix what I had done. Besides, teasing you was the only way to get your attention."

I lightly slap the shoulder I'm not resting on, "You are the worst kind of cliche. Teasing a girl to get her to look at you."

"Guilty as charged. My feelings changed, and I hated that I liked your tenacity so much. You never backed down from a challenge, and you definitely never backed down from me. When I had completed the program, I saw you walking to the dining hall once. You were alone, and I was going to try to talk to you when Ethan came up and kissed you. I've never been so jealous in my life, SS. Ethan. That pompous, self-righteous, clown was getting to kiss you."

Sitting up, I stare at him straight on, "I remember that day. You walked past us, and I was braced for the inevitable insult, but you didn't say a word."

"I wanted nothing more than to pull him off of you, but he was who you had chosen. I was the idiot with the baggage who ruined any shot at you I might have had a long time ago, so I sat back and waited. I promised myself that if you ever let him go, I wouldn't make the same mistake twice." He lifts my hand and presses a light kiss to it.

The touch of his lips affects me down to my toes. His confession is going to take some time to unpack mentally, but my body has no such problem. "Why still call me Scrawny Sammy?"

A corner of his lip quirks up, "Besides the night of your fall out with Ethan, I haven't called you that in a long time. I only used it then because you looked like you needed someone to use your anger on before you exploded. Apparently, old habits die hard."

"Nice try, but you call me SS all the time. I know what it means."

"Do you?" He leans closer to my face, "The best part about those initials is that they can mean so many things."

My breathing hitches, "Like what?"

Ryan grins shyly at me before answering, "Sassy Sam, Sweet Sammy, Strategic Sam, Sincere Samantha, the list goes on really."

I find that I don't have anything to say to that. My mind replays all the times he's called me SS recently, and I remember feeling like he wasn't insulting me anymore, but the confirmation is a bit overwhelming. He's had years to work through this, and I'm still playing catch up here.

"What happens now?" I ask, genuinely wanting to know his thoughts.

Ryan stands up and holds out a hand to help me up as well. I slide my hand into his and let him pull me to my feet. "That's up to you. I want to be with you, but I won't rush you, so I'll be here, waiting to see if I'm lucky enough for you to give me a chance."

Wrapping my arms around him, I sink into his warmth. It's comforting and anchors me. "I don't want to stop spending time with you, but beyond that I'm not sure what I want."

"I'm in no rush, SS." He releases me to start collecting our bags. Once he has them over his shoulder, he takes my hand again to walk us back to my room. "Who has the morning shift?"

"Archer said he'd cover it. He's going to have Fin pick me up for lunch." Just saying Fin's name makes me think about how he's spending his night right now. Picturing him lying in the dark not knowing when it will end has forced me to let most of my anger towards him go. To be fair, Archer's words didn't hurt either. I just want to see him and know that he's okay.

"Good." We stop outside of my door, and I turn to face him. "I'll need to switch shifts with one of them after tomorrow. It's my turn to go on rotation for trial dates."

I lock onto his eyes, "For how long?"

"I'll be working on your trial date, SS. But there's no guarantee you'll get me." He smiles down at me before adding, "It's a good thing you sent Michael to me today. They give us a day off before any rotation change."

I look to the side. "So he told you?"

"Once he completed his task, yes." His hand cups my jaw and turns my face back to his, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm glad you helped him."

Ryan makes a disbelieving sound in the back of his throat, "I think you're happy about Michael, but it's not nothing, SS."

"It's just...do you talk to all the candidates the way you talked me through my first task?"

He slides his hand from my face to the back of my head and moves closer to me. I can feel his breath on my face, "I'd tease you about being jealous, but I'm just too damn happy that you care, so no, I've never talked to someone in training the way I did with you."

My hands come up to his chest to push him away, but my fingers betray me and curl into his shirt instead. He moves even closer until my back is up against the wall in the corridor. "Jealous? Like I would ever-" My words die out as his lips cover mine.