Prior to moving back to Bangkok, she already knew that her chances were slim. The only thing she knew is that Orm is working at her family owned company and has legions of exes behind her. King would update her regularly if his sister happened to have a paramour and it would never failed to leave a bitter taste in her mouth, encouraging herself to hasten to fulfill her goals before going back but what's the use of attaining everything when she can't have her?
She smiled bitterly at the emptiness that she felt inside her as she empty her glass and decides to call it a night. There was a time where she was so angry with the universe, to introduce the love of her life to her only for their situation to mismatch, yet she have found her peace with it. For in those years of missing Orm, she cannot entertain the idea of another. She become strong in solitude and for that, though it is a challenge, Ling can have only gratitude.
She stick to her routine but she felt herself drained. She knew that if she continue this torturous cycle then she'll probably end dead somewhere and without any family to claim her body, she would have it rather donate to science instead of having it incarcerated to ashes.
Ling laughed at herself. Her way of thinking is getting morbid already. Maybe it's the product of her listening to Mr. Ballen and Stephanie while on shower. But that morning, she woke up with a burning fever that she just shrugged away. It's weekend. Her most dreadful day. As much as Ling wanted to work until exhaustion, she could already felt her body weary and tired.
Never the one to stay still though, Ling looked outside and saw that the day is bright. So she decided that instead of spending her rest day moping and singing Alone Again Naturally by Gilbert Sullivan on loop, she will drive and walk outside.
Donning a simple grey sweat pants and a simple white t-shirt with her cap on, she hop into the car and drive around after taking her medicine. She don't know where to go. She was just letting the road lead her to where it will take her and funnily enough, she find herself at her old University. She parked her car in front as she prefer to walk her way inside like she usually does way back when she was still a student and she couldn't help but started to reminisce.
She read before that the brain has little concept of time, and so the painful memory is experienced as a current event. This is why, once we have come to terms with them and gained new perspectives on what happened, it is important to move on and recall the happy times instead. This way you deal with them, disarm them, and choose real health for yourself. This way you love yourself and set yourself free. They said that the negative memories come with a cost, as addictive as they feel, once lessons are learnt there is nothing in them of value. The positive memories come as a friend with a picnic basket, they are good and nourishing, supportive and kind. And so Ling choose to build herself this way, letting the bad ones wander off on their own and encouraging the good ones to blossom and grow.
