let me be numb to you | aventurine x reader

His apartment has changed slightly. Aventurine turns on the lights, letting you see how different the apartment looks. Same place, but it's neater and has more belongings. It looks like an actual home now. Memories of the past where the two of you fooled around in his apartment flood your mind. Did he think of you after all this time?

Your attention turns to the shuffling at your side, watching as Aventurine changes his shoes to some home slippers. He's already set aside a pair of slippers for you to wear. Stumbling, you slip your strappy heels off and step into them. A soft sigh of relief leaves your mouth, you forgot how nice it felt outside of heels. Your aching feet sink into the soft material, stepping into his apartment. Aventurine is already by the kitchen counter, pouring himself water. Without looking up, he speaks to you.

"Do you.. want some water..?" His voice drags somewhat awkwardly. This is the first time he's spoken to you since he's picked you up.

"Yeah– uh sure.. thanks." The faint sound of water pouring fills the silence. You move your way to the couch quietly. How you sink slightly into the firm cushions of the couch reminds you of the past. Countless late nights of drinking and fooling around on this exact couch. You could almost visualise these sweet moments, the faded forms dancing around the room. A glass comes to view, and your head tilts up as you take the glass of water from Aventurine.

He doesn't meet your gaze. You can feel the couch shift when his weight sits next to you. Time ticks on as the two of you sit in this deafening silence. It's awkward. Tension is heavy on the both of you, as pent up emotions are seeping through. You take a sip of the water, refreshing your dry mouth. Aventurine is leaning back on the couch. On his lap, his hands are toying with his beloved gambling token. He casts his eyes down to marvel at the coin shining in the dim light. All of this to stall the inevitable.

The both of you needed to talk.

"Why'd you just disappear?" Your question cuts through the silence. Beating around the bush will do nothing for either of you. He has ghosted your texts and calls for one whole year. Everytime you came to his apartment, it either seemed like he wasn't here or he was ignoring you. You needed an explanation from him, you deserved at least that. Aventurine pauses, holding the token in his hand for a moment before going back to play with it. He flicks it in the air as he thinks of what to really say.

He left because it's who he is. It was easier to run away from his problems, his past, and you. If he ignores these things long enough, they'll fade away, won't they? The thought gives him temporary relief from the storm of issues. But he knows that he's just lying to himself. An illusion that could shatter with his consciousness. That's why he used to drown himself with whatever he could get. Alcohol, drugs, smoking, sex. He filled the days with trivial gambles and mindless substance abuse to drown out the gnawing in the back of his mind. Keeping himself in a muddled state so he didn't have to think about anything.

He's moved on from all of that of course. Now he only drinks from time to time, maybe an occasional slip of the pill. But Aventurine simply changed his methods of escape: from drugs to work. Taking in any assignments that the IPC would give him so he could work tirelessly and forget about everything in his life. He hasn't changed for the better. If not for you, he could have continued that lucky streak of endless gambling and inebriety.

After the incident, he needed to step away from you. He couldn't help but feel guilty for getting involved with you. In truth, he blames himself for your overdose. Despite your protests, he still believes that he's the root of your downfall. Perhaps if he didn't meet you at that bar, if he said nothing, you wouldn't be here right now. He's pushed you into this ruthless cycle for his own selfish reasons. Why did he desire you by his side? His craving for companionship only led you to be sucked into a dark place. Does everything he touch have to become tainted?