Myocardium

Part 29

Besides Ben's little show, my day resumes normally. At least I've made it through and haven't died in the process. That's something to be glad about. In the afternoon, I deliver the money to Joe's and take a nap until my siblings arrive. I still can't believe they just bought a videogame for me. It's not something kids their age should even be worrying about. All these years by ourselves must have caused them to inherit some character traits from me too, considering I've practically raised them by myself. Good job, mom and dad.

Right before the clock strikes 5 p.m., I'm all done cooking and sit back down on the sofa to wait for my two sibs. As soon as they arrive, Daisy seems to notice the new necklace I'm wearing and investigates curiously.
"What's that? Is it new?"

"It's a necklace someone has gifted me for my birthday, sweety," I answer her question, while my siblings are both helping me bring the plates and cups to the table.
"It's so cool, who is it from? Is it from the man we saw at the store? R-...something R-afael?", she tries remembering, in response to which I laugh and nod.
"You're right, actually. Rafael did give me this necklace. Really kind of him."

My sister has probably made this connection between my necklace and Raf as he is the only person she knows I'm in contact with, really. I mean, he kind of is, but she can't possibly know that.

"Who is he? How did you meet him?", Daisy keeps interrogating me, she seems upbeat and talkative, which relieves me. In order to explain without telling her the whole story, I say,
"He's a friend of mine. I've met him at work, and we simply hit it off right away. He's a cool, down-to-earth guy."

"I mean, obviously he is, otherwise you wouldn't make friends with him," Sasha adds to our conversation. My brother isn't wrong. Suddenly, I feel exposed to my siblings, even though they barely know anything about what is really going on between us. Frankly, I'm often not even sure myself.

"I guess so. At least he doesn't want to run away from me every time he sees me, so that's a good starting point," I joke, and we begin eating, quitting our conversation about Rafael and switching to the topic of school. After all three of us are done with our homework and we've played some Uno, I tuck my siblings in and make my way back to this hellhole called work.

In the locker room, I meet Blade and Stacy, who are talking about some women's stuff that I have nothing to add to. At least the two of them seem to be getting alone rather well, which makes it easier for all of us. Seriously, working with enemies is something you should always try to avoid at all costs. 

Tonight, I heavy-heartedly listen to Raf's advice, only taking a couple of drags of a joint to be relaxed enough to push through the night. My cute black tennis skirt is well-complemented by my accessories, plus it doubles as a cover for the bruises one of my clients left me with.

Once I've found the first person I can be a victim of, I join the 40-something year old man by the bar and share a drink or two with him before he takes me to my backroom. Why do I always end up drinking even when I'm trying not to for once?

Everything I do is mechanical and out of pure and utter routine, however he still hurts me more and more with every time he...you know what. No need to elaborate on this barbarism. Will there ever be a time when I'm willing to sleep with someone out of mutual enjoyment, I wonder. The idea of sharing a moment so intimate with a person who truly cherishes you sounds lovely, but in the moment, I probably wouldn't even know what to do. 

It's odd, how often I've done things like that yet how unsure I still am about it all. I can't even tell if I'd want it or not. Something about the imagination terrifies me. Maybe it's the fear of making myself vulnerable to the other person, showing true emotions nobody has ever seen before. Maybe it's the fear of doing everything wrong that can possibly be done wrong in the situation.