??? ? ??? | billie eilish ?

chapter one:

out of place

~💚~

madigan tugged at the hem of her oversized hoodie, pulling it down over her ripped jeans as if it could shield her from the sea of bodies swarming the arena. the air buzzed with anticipation, and the low hum of excitement surged through the crowd like an electric current. it was loud—too loud. she shifted uncomfortably on her feet, trying to fade into the shadows, but in a place like this, anonymity was impossible.

"come on, mads! this is going to be so amazing," her best friend kara gushed beside her, bouncing on the balls of her feet like a kid in a candy store. kara had been talking about this concert for months, counting down the days, sending madigan constant texts with billie eilish songs, interviews, even memes—everything to prepare her for what kara believed was going to be a life-changing night.

madigan wasn't so sure.

"it's just a concert," madigan muttered, shoving her hands into her pockets. she glanced around at the throngs of people, all decked out in billie eilish merch—oversized t-shirts, neon green hair extensions, and baggy pants that mimicked the pop star's signature style. everywhere she looked, fans held their phones in the air, ready to capture the moment when billie would take the stage. the intensity was unnerving.

kara shot her an exasperated look, brushing a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "you say that now, but just wait until she comes out. trust me, you'll get it once she starts singing. billie is unreal live."

madigan forced a tight-lipped smile, trying to mirror kara's enthusiasm, but the truth was, she didn't really get billie eilish. sure, she knew the songs from the radio—who didn't? "bad guy" was practically unavoidable—but she had never connected with billie's music the way kara did. the dark lyrics, the brooding persona, the whisper-singing... it just wasn't her thing. if she were honest with herself, she would have rather spent the evening at home, curled up with a good book or binge-watching something on netflix.

but kara had begged her to come. "it won't be fun without you," she had said, eyes wide and pleading. "please, mads, we never go out anymore." and madigan, feeling guilty for always turning down her friend's invitations, had caved. she hadn't realized just how overwhelming it would feel to be surrounded by so much... fervor.

as they waited, the lights in the arena began to dim, drawing cheers and screams from the crowd. madigan felt her stomach tighten, a mixture of anxiety and impatience. kara grabbed her arm, squeezing it in excitement. "this is it!" she squealed.

the roar of the crowd grew deafening as the stage lights flickered on, a slow pulse of blue and white that cast eerie shadows across the arena. a low, haunting hum filled the air, and the massive screen behind the stage flickered to life with a distorted video of billie, her face obscured by shadows. the tension in the room was palpable, a collective breath held in anticipation.

then, with a flash of light, billie eilish herself appeared on stage.

the crowd erupted into pandemonium. kara let out a scream that made madigan wince, and the people around them surged forward, arms raised, voices shouting billie's name. madigan hung back, arms crossed, trying to avoid being jostled by the masses pressing toward the stage. she couldn't help but feel a little detached from the moment, watching as the rest of the crowd seemed to lose themselves in the music, in billie.

billie, dressed in a loose-fitting black outfit and her signature lime green roots glowing under the lights, moved across the stage with a quiet confidence. she wasn't like most pop stars—there was no elaborate choreography, no flashy costume changes, just her presence. her voice, low and smooth, spilled out over the arena, capturing the crowd's undivided attention.

madigan stood still, arms still folded, her face betraying nothing.

kara was right beside her, screaming the lyrics to "bury a friend" at the top of her lungs, completely lost in the moment. madigan glanced at her, half-amused, half-baffled by her friend's total immersion. it wasn't that the music was bad—there was a certain haunting beauty to it, she supposed—but she still felt like she didn't quite belong.

as the concert went on, she found herself zoning out. the lights, the noise, the overwhelming crowd—it all became a blur. her mind drifted, and she began to wonder how much longer the concert would go on. she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, trying to make herself comfortable but failing.

and that's when it happened.

she wasn't sure what pulled her back to the present—maybe it was the sudden shift in the energy of the room, or maybe it was some sixth sense telling her something had changed—but she felt it. her eyes snapped back to the stage, and that's when she saw billie, standing at the edge, looking directly at her.

no, not at her—through her, it seemed. billie's gaze was piercing, her blue eyes sharp and curious. there was a pause, a brief second where the world seemed to tilt. the thousands of fans surrounding them blurred into the background, and for a moment, it was just madigan and billie, connected by some invisible thread.

madigan's breath hitched. her first instinct was to look away, to pretend she hadn't noticed, but something in billie's expression held her in place. it wasn't just a casual glance into the audience—billie was watching her, like she could see through madigan's disinterest, through the apathy she had been trying so hard to maintain.

a smirk tugged at the corner of billie's lips, as though she could sense the awkwardness radiating off madigan. and then, with a flicker of amusement in her eyes, billie shifted her microphone to her lips and continued singing, but there was a change in her tone—a teasing lilt that hadn't been there before. it was subtle, almost imperceptible, but madigan could feel it.

her heart pounded in her chest, and she quickly broke eye contact, heat rising to her face. no way, she thought. she couldn't have been looking at me.

but the moment lingered in her mind, nagging at her even as the concert raged on around her. madigan stood frozen, kara still bouncing beside her, oblivious to the strange, almost surreal moment that had just transpired.

billie moved on, her attention seemingly back on the rest of the crowd, but madigan couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted. for the rest of the concert, she couldn't quite relax, couldn't quite fade into the background the way she had wanted to. every time billie came near the edge of the stage, madigan found herself tensing, as if she were waiting for something to happen again, for billie's gaze to land on her once more.

but it didn't.

still, as the concert came to a close and the crowd roared their approval, madigan couldn't shake the feeling that billie eilish had noticed her—really noticed her—and that somehow, despite all her efforts to stay invisible, she had been seen.