Can't Save Myself - {joshler}

Trigger warnings:
Mentions of drug use (no actual drug use)
Allusions of dying/overdosing (no actual death)
Mentions of addiction
Mentions of substance abuse / substance abuse programs
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Josh nervously picked at a loose string at the edge of his frayed fingerless gloves, his foot bouncing up and down as he stared at the community center through the windscreen of his friend's vehicle. It was cold out, unusually freezing for late March, but he figured he should be used to the Ohio weather by now. Or, maybe he'd spent too long with various substances dancing around his bloodstream to be worried about the cold. Either way, he was fucking freezing.

"Dal, could you please turn the heater on higher," he asked softly, his top lip sticking to his teeth as he tried to rid himself of the dry mouth by licking around his gums.

"Yeah, sure," Dallon mumbled, reaching forward to turn the dial up a couple of notches.

Josh didn't say anything back, just burrowed further into his light jacket as he continued bouncing his leg. Honestly, he never thought he'd be here. He thought he'd wind up dead before he ever made it to any place that would offer help. The small white sign plastered to the community center door reading "Narcotics Anonymous" felt almost like it was mocking him. Maybe he shouldn't be here. Maybe if he begged enough, Dallon would just let him go home and sweat it out in the bathtub. Maybe let him drink a shit ton of water until he pissed himself clean.

He knew that wouldn't happen, though. He agreed to let Dallon take him to NA on the condition that he didn't try to give him an intervention again. He was tired of seeing the tears plastered on his friend's and family's faces and tired of hearing their poor attempts at begging him to "stay clean this time." He knew he was a lost cause, why couldn't they see it?

"Fuck," Josh said suddenly, "why are we even here so early? Doesn't it not start for another thirty minutes?"

Dallon let out a small chuckle, shaking his head. "Because I knew if we tried to leave on time, you would've made an excuse to back out at the last minute. I figured if we got here early enough, it wouldn't give you a chance to think of a reason."

The curly haired man cursed internally, knowing Dallon was absolutely right. He should've snuck out the night before like he'd planned on doing, but the line of coke he'd done just an hour before he planned to leave left him passed out on the kitchen counter and in no condition to walk out of the house. "We should've at least gotten breakfast," he said softly.

"Would you have even been able to keep anything down, right now?" Dallon's counter had more of a sad edge to it than a bite, but it still made Josh want to snap his neck.

"For your fucking information, I'm starving," he said, his arms crossing over his chest like a petulant child. "So, yeah, I would've appreciated some food if we were going to be leaving so early."

Dallon let out a sigh, trying not to feel the pang of hurt in his chest as he knew it was the drugs making Josh so ornery. "I'm sorry, okay?" Josh just kept his face pointed at the building in front of them. "I bet they have stuff to eat in there. Maybe donuts or something? Maybe they even have coffee."

Those words forced a bit of the tension from Josh's shoulders as he sucked on his teeth, shaking some chills from his body again. "Maybe," he said quietly.

Dallon let out another sigh as he motioned toward the door. "Why not go ahead and go in? There's already another car here, maybe it's the NA sponsor. I can go down to the gas station and get you some cigarettes, and I might even stop by McDonald's before I swing back over here and get you some breakfast. How about that?"