Letters I Can't Send

18

It takes me longer than before to pull away. But when I do I have to bite my cheek to keep myself from grinning. "I—I need to find Quinn," I try to steady my breathing and catch myself from falling off the face of the earth, while my two feet still being planted on the floor of the Hogwarts Express. "Um—have a good summer holiday, Drac—Malfoy," I say as I stumble out of the last train compartment. I catch a glimpse of his wicked smirk as I try to make my unsteady way out of that particular train car.

I can't believe I almost used his first name—that would be the first time I've called him his name to his face before—I must be going crazy—but it was the heat of the moment, so I'm not, right?

"You too, Y/n—Ellis," I know he says that just to mock me, but I like hearing my name come from his lips. I know I told him not to say my name, but I can't help thinking about all the times I wish he had said it. All the times I wish I would have said his name.

Yet, I still smirk to myself as I walk away.

With our second kiss still jumping around in my mind to all the wildest places—the good and bad—I almost forget about looking for Quinn, until she pulls me into a compartment by my arm, which startles me out of my daze.

"Hey," she says. "I've been looking all over for you," She sits down on one of the cushioned seats, so on the seat opposite of her.

I clear my throat, blink a few thousand times and bring myself back to the present. "Yeah, me too,"

"Where were you? I thought I checked everywhere," Quinn looks at me a little confused—like it's funny how coincidentally we missed each other. This might be a good time to tell her what was actually happening.

"Well..." my mouth hangs open in attempt at finding the right words to form my response. I take a small breath.

"Y/n...?" she says, watching me half curiously, half concerned.

"Can you promise you won't freak out or get mad at me or hate me or think badly of me or anything after I tell you," I furrow my brows a bit in worry.

She does the same. "I thought you were just in the restroom or something—but jeez, I promise, I suppose," she says slowly, skeptically, a little smile still placed on her face, yet it it starts to fade as ideas probably pop into her head. Merlin, i need to tell her before she comes up with something insanely untrue.

I bite my bottom lip. "I was kissing Malfoy," I say softly, but I'm pretty sure Quinn heard.

Her mouth is agape and she let out a small gasp.

Before she can say a word, I put my hands up defensively and say, "You promised you wouldn't freak out,"

She closes her mouth and lets a sly smirk creep up her lips. I don't know if I should feel relieved or worried.

"You kissed Malfoy," she says slowly, a knowing, superior tone to her voice.

I still have a little left in me that I need to let out. "And we kissed, like, two weeks ago, but I thought we would just forget about it, but then it happened again, and he's still with Pansy, so that feels pretty shitty to me, and I just don't know what to do about him—" I blurt, getting cut off by Quinn.

"Hey, hey, hey," She turns sympathetic and shifts from her seat to sit next to me. "It's the summer holiday now, so I say you forget about it—you won't have to worry about it for until term starts back up again, but by then, it'll probably be forgotten about anyway," She puts an arm around me rubs my shoulder encouragingly.

"So, you're not mad at me?" I say in a small voice, while I sneak a hopeful look at her.

"Did it make you happy?" She asks me genuinely.

"Kissing him?" I ask, just to make sure—and to stall the question.

"Yeah—kissing him,"

"Yes..." I reply in all honesty. I say it softly and cautiously, like how someone would talk around a newborn baby.

"Then I'm not mad at you. I'm happy for you," She smiles at me and I give her a small smile back.

It feels a whole lot better now that she knows—it was the one thing weighing down on me for the past couple of weeks, so now, all the present problems and things I had pushed out of mind to make room for my one big problem have slowly filtered back into my head.

I have to go back to the Bronny's home for the summer. That has many problems in itself.

a/n: so excited for year 4, we'll see the happenings of being 14-15 years old... (and it's the Triwizard Tournament, just a reminder)

hehehe see yall soon...in the Goblet of Fire >=] (no, Y/n does not get chosen as a Triwizard champion—don't get your hopes up) and I really hope I'm not hyping this up to much...but I have dreams I'd like to fulfill in this coming school year.