A Peaceful Living Hell ~ A Zodiac Story

Warning: This chapter contains very graphic descriptions of things such as child abuse and sexual assault.

Virgo

"I thought it was normal at first." He said in a shaking tone. You could hear his heavy breathing as he struggled pushing the words out. The cold sweat running down his forehead made a small dripping noise when it fell to the ground. But not once did he cry as he spoke, as if he had prepared himself for this moment.

Virgo had decided to get help, he couldn't keep the awful memories in his mind, ones that no matter how hard he tried to forget, remained unable to.

So here he was, after a few weeks, inside Dr. Thatcher's office, sitting on a couch.

It took him multiple sessions to finally start to trust the doctor, but now, he was ready. He couldn't keep it to himself any longer, that would be the end of him otherwise.

"Walk me through it, would you Virgo?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled. Though he could feel his throat tightening, telling him to stop before it got too late, he fought through the involuntary movement. "The physical abuse started since the day she got custody of me, after my parents' death. She would throw plates or sometimes grab me really hard, but never in a life-threatening manner."

"Who is she?"

"My aunt."

"And did she resent you for coming into her life?"

"On the contrary, she loved the idea of  having me, in a sickening way. If you looked in her eyes, it wasn't hatred, but instead it was a perverted obssession to see someone in pain."

He spitted on the floor in disgust before drinking a glass of water to regain strength.

"What other kind of abuse was there?" The doctor ask as he noted down the words said by his patient.

"Excuse me?" Virgo answered confused.

"Pardon me for my assumptions, but by the way you were speaking, it felt as if you were hinting to another sort of abuse."

"You can...tell that?"

"Yes."

"There was-" He interrupted himself as he thought how he should proceed. Opening up about the physical abuse was already difficult, but if he were to speak of this other aspect of his childhood, he will never be able to go back. It will mean he had to decide wether he trusted Dr Thatcher right here right now.

"Take your time." The professional added. "It's okay if we don't do this today."

And he made his decision. "Sexual abuse." He muttered, uncapable to say it any louder.

"How old were you?"

"Six. I believe." He looked to the ground as he tried avoiding all look of shame. He didn't want anyone to see this expression of his so he pretended the doctor wasn't there. "I can still remember it." He continued, but as he spoke, the pace of his words got quicker and his fingers started fidgeting. "Her hands, guiding my every mouvements. It felt wrong, in every possible ways. But I couldn't stop her, as if I was too terrified to do so. As my caretaker, she would always hold it over my head, saying things like without her, I would be on the street and making sure I knew that I was nothing without her." He caught his breath and bit his lips.

Virgo clenched his teeth and furrowed his brows as his fist tightened. And he continued, more calmly this time. "In the beginning, it was just her. I never understood why, but it was a routine. At least once a month, she would call me and she would order me to...satisfy her." He swallowed his saliva as he took the time to chose his words carefully. "She enjoyed the idea to have a child, that could not fight back, fulfill her weird fantasies."

Virgo looked up to see Dr Thatcher's reaction after everything he had just told him. The doctor had a calm demeanor, but a slight nauseating look could be seen seeping through. It was perfectly natural, even as Virgo explained his story he could feel the disgust he himself was feeling.

And he continued. "Near the end of my elementary years, money started getting tight. My aunt had lost her job and she was in severe debt. She would go to these sketchy alley bars and she would meet all types of fellows. And I think that's where she got the idea, to sell me." Virgo closed his eyes and tried to chase the images away, the images burned in his head. "She invited everyone she knew, men, women, anyone with pennies in their pocket. I remember her exact price. $50 for a half-hour. $75 for an hour. And anything over an hour was $200. And for the video, an extra $25."

Virgo wouldn't talk after that, of more like he couldn't. His voice didn't allow itself to be heard anymore, it just remained in his throat, waiting for someone else to say something.

"You were very brave, Virgo." Dr Thatcher whispered in a comforting tone. "The story you shared today took tremendous strength to tell."

Virgo didn't say anything, still buried in his thoughts.

To loosen the atmosphere, the psychiatrist decided to change subject for the end of the session. "Tell me, what have you been up to these days? Any plans coming up?"

He nervously chuckled. "Well...um...I've been planning to propose to my girlfriend."

"Really? How did you meet?"

Virgo smiled. "We're roommate, well housemates."

"Yes, you told me about your friends."

"It was when I first moved in that she caught my attention. When I saw her for the first time, she was just pretty." He admitted as he thought at the day they first met. "But then I started talking to her more and the way she would render me calm with the way she talked, it attracted me like a moth to a flame. And at some point, she was all I could think about, morning and day, in my nightmares and my dreams, not a moment she didn't occupy my thoughts."

"She's a very special lady."

"She is. The way she makes me feel at ease, how she makes my heart flutter, but also the way she gets angry when I do something stupid. I love her more than anything."

"Then what are you waiting for? Go tell her all of that."

Sexual assault is subject that no matter how much people speak out about is still taken lightly by many (not all, but still many) and I cannot describe how much if makes me nauseous when someone can even think of doing that to someone else. And in the end, it isn't the perpetrator who suffers, but the victim.
I pray that it never happens to anyone, but as long as there are people like that out there, this might never happen.