In Between Us || Zhanyi

Untitled Part 29

The anger felt almost primal, clawing through him with an intensity that bordered on madness. He knew Yibo was his—had to be his—yet he felt that security slipping, and with it came a desperate, wild need to hold tighter, to remind Yibo just who he belonged to.

It wasn't that he doubted Yibo's loyalty—no, he trusted Yibo with everything in him. But the thought of someone else being that close, of someone stepping into what was his—his alone—flooded him with a feral, frightening urge he had never known.

The walls felt suffocating, and Zhan found himself ripping off his clothes, storming into the bathroom, and turning the shower to ice-cold. The water hit his skin, icy and brutal in the winter chill, but he welcomed it, a harsh sting that did little to soothe the storm inside him. Standing there, breathing heavily, he felt each droplet like needles on his skin, yet his mind couldn't escape the vivid images of Yibo, couldn't drown out the thought of Kuan's presence close to him. Each memory sharpened his possessiveness, his need to lay claim to what he knew, deep in his bones, belonged only to him.

"How could you, Yibo?" he muttered under his breath, his voice raw and dark with anger. "Why... did he have to be so friendly? Why let Kuan touch him at all?" he whispered, his words raw with an edge of desperation he barely recognized. The question wasn't really directed at Yibo but at himself, at his own helplessness, his inability to shake the insecurity eating away at him. A voice deep within him scoffed, reminding him that Yibo had never faltered, had never given any real reason to doubt him. But that rationality was drowned beneath the torrent of rage that demanded he prove to Yibo that no one else could come close—the feral instinct to protect, to stake his claim—to ensure that no one, no one, could come close enough to take what was his.

"Calm down," he told himself. His fist balled against the cold tile, feeling his heart pound beneath his skin, a brutal reminder of his helpless rage. The desire to destroy was frightening, to break something—anything—that would release this aching pressure, this smothering feeling clawing at his insides. The irrationality of it all almost terrified him, how someone as calm and collected as he usually was could be driven to such dark, desperate thoughts. He pressed his forehead to the wall, gasping as the chill seeped into him.

"Breathe, all is fine...please calm down....calm down Zhan, Yibo was doing nothing wrong, he must have taking help only. You know him~~~~~hold yourself".....his voice was strained and tired, his body shaking, not from the cold, but from the crushing weight of his own jealousy.

The more he tried to be rational, as if a sleeping demon had awaken inside him who whispered to him, each thought sharper than the last. 'Yibo was his, his alone and no one should get a single glance of what his' otherwise he'd be damned. The need to keep Yibo firmly within his grasp, to make sure there was no doubt, consumed him, and the cold shower did nothing to quell that dark possessiveness simmering beneath his skin.

"Urgh!!!!!....stop!!!!!!....please stop it"....his fist punched against the wall, as the physical pain was the only way Zhan found to regain his senses back. He wanted to tear apart the ache twisting his insides. His own self felt completely unknown to him as if he didn't knew at this point who was he?

"Why do I feel like this? Why is this rage so consuming?* His voice was barely above a whisper, drowned out by the pounding water. He knew Yibo was precious to him; he had known it since they first met, and that feeling had grown into something deep and unbreakable. But this? This possessive hunger, this jealousy that tasted bitter and all-consuming—he hadn't foreseen it, hadn't expected it to come with such sharp, destructive claws.

"What are you doing to me, Yibo...?" he whispered, his voice swallowed by the relentless stream of water. He tried to push down the dark thoughts that surfaced—possessive, dangerous thoughts.

As the water streamed over him, Zhan felt his anger settle, though it left behind a raw ache, an emptiness that still trembled with the remnants of that fierce possessiveness. He understood, distantly, that this was jealousy.....he was jealous. Not because he doubted Yibo, but because he cherished him too much, wanted him too close. And this fierce want—the maddening need for Yibo to belong only to him—had nearly pushed him to hurt the very person he would do anything to protect. His urge was dangerous, he was dangerous.

It wasn't like Zhan never got angry or never expressed his anger. He knew very well, his anger was fatal, just like any other person. But even in that feral situation he had control over him, he had his sanity clear...till date he never ever harmed an innocent person, a person who didn't do anything wrong. His anger always developed over proper reasoning and facts, it was never a way to vent his frustration, it was never so blank, unleash, lethal.

Zhan rested his head against the tile, breathing hard as the cold seeped into his skin, grounding him bit by bit. He wasn't just angry; he was scared. Scared of losing control, of becoming someone who might harm the very person he held dearest. It was a vulnerability he hadn't felt before—a frightening realization that sometimes, intensity of your feelings could turn inward, twisting into something nearly unrecognizable. You could lose all your senses and don't even hesitate to burn everything by only single move, making you left regret for rest of your whole life.

He thanked the heaven that he didn't dare stay a second longer near Yibo; another moment, and he wasn't sure what he might have done. Maybe he would have lost Yibo for forever

For now, he focused on the water, letting it numb his skin and quiet the roar in his mind. It was the only thing he could cling to, a fragile thread tethering him back to himself, to reason. And as he stood there, Zhan vowed to confront his own demons, to keep this darkness at bay before it could hurt them both.

...To Be Continued

Hello everyone, 

This is your author and I am writing this note today(10/11/2024). I logged in just today after 25th September, 2024....details on my message board in my profile.

So have no idea that 2 of my stories were running on auto update mode. It took me some time to conclude that there are some issues have been detected with 'Auto Update'. So maybe manual update is needed here. So I have to log in to make the update.

Frankly, i am not writing any fresh piece currently not going to very active on 抖阴社区 too, so whenever i will log in, I will give you the update for sure.......THANK YOU!!!!