In Time, I Will

“At first, everything felt perfect. We were building a life together, and soon, I was pregnant. But I started feeling a weight inside me—the guilt of keeping my past from him. I wanted him to know everything about me, but the fear of rejection held me back. That fear turned into anxiety, and... I lost the baby.”

“I’m so sorry,” I murmured, my heart aching for her.

“It’s okay,” she said, her smile gentle but tinged with sorrow. “It was devastating, but it also made me realize something: he loved me more than anything in this world. It wasn’t fair to keep secrets from him. So, I finally told him everything.

“To my surprise, he didn’t judge me. He didn’t look at me with pity or disgust. Instead, he told me how grateful he was that I’d survived it all and that he got to be with me. He said my past didn’t define me—it was just a part of the journey that made me who I am.

“His love for me only grew stronger after that. He’s never seen me as anything less than the person he fell in love with, and I know he loves me for who I am, not for what I’ve been through.”

She finished with a soft smile, her eyes reflecting the steady glow of the river’s lights.

"But weren’t you scared? Didn’t those memories haunt you?" I asked, moved by her courage and by her husband’s love for her.

Her expression softened. “They did. It was terrifying at first, and painful too. But he was so gentle and patient with me. He made me feel safe, always reminding me that it was okay to take my time. His love and care helped me through it, little by little. And before I knew it, I started to feel pleasure. It became something I looked forward to, something that brought us closer.”

She gazed at the ripples in the river, her voice steady yet full of warmth. “Everything becomes easier—fun even—when your partner truly loves you. Love has a way of healing wounds, Sumaiya.”

Her words hung in the cold evening air, and suddenly, Adil’s voice echoed in my mind: “Whatever it is, Sumaiya, I’ll still love you.”

A glimmer of hope blossomed in my chest, cautious but undeniably real. Could it be true? Could his love truly make things easier, just as she said? Maybe I could be happy too. Maybe, with Adil, I could finally find peace.

The drive back to Marina’s place was filled with chatter about Adil. She asked me about him, and as I spoke, I saw her smile. “He seems like a wonderful man,” she said. “You’re lucky, Sumaiya.”

Her words felt like a gentle nudge toward a decision I’d been resisting for too long. Deep down, I already knew my answer.

------

As I returned home late into the night, a restless energy coursed through me. I wanted to talk to Adil immediately. I could have waited another week or even just until morning, but impatience got the better of me. After changing into comfortable clothes, I grabbed my phone and texted him.

{Assalamualaikum}

Seconds passed without a reply, so I sent another message.
{Are you asleep?}
Still no response. Disappointed, I laid on my bed, trying to sleep. My old mattress, hardened from years of use, cradled me as it always did. For the first time, I wondered why I’d never replaced it. Maybe it was because I didn’t like change. But that night, I thought of changing it.

My thoughts didn’t linger on the mattress for long. Soon, I was spiraling. What if it’s not the same for me as it was for Marina? What if I can’t—

A soft ping interrupted my racing thoughts.

[Walaikumassalam]
His reply finally came.
[I’m awake]
[Are you alright? ]
[It’s not like you to text me so late at night.]